After you've been hosed-off from the other death-traps, er, fun rides, or had counseling from the other assorted DinoExperiences
here at Cretaceousland!, your family will surely want to squirm and scream on the
world's greatest zipline ride of all time ever: THE JUNGLE SWING !!
Let our non-English speaking operators (We think they speak Canadian) hook the family up with a 15%
industrial-strength safety harness, purchased from Bubba's Saf-T-Towne "Going Out Of Business" sale. [They
were sued into bankruptcy for malfunctioning equipment and substandard products]
Watch the kiddies faces light up as a sometimes-locking mechanism is attached around them and they are methodically pushed
and shoved.... uh, gently swung out... from a safe launching platform high above Habitat 3. Who's next?
JUNGLE SWING riders immediately find themselves
immersed into the thick prehistoric jungle foliage, flying along at speeds reaching up to 9.372 mph and a breath-taking height
of over 11.7 feet above the jungle floor!
[FYI: Our slowest Dinosaur has been clocked at 26 mph and is 22-feet tall at the shoulder. You do the math.]
Gliding along on a somewhat secure line, you'll hear the sounds of the Cretaceous Period jungle. Your trip will
take you rushing past huge leaves of trees from those ancient times - grown specifically for this exhibit - that whack you
in the face cutting your skin. You'll feel the humidity and heat... and cruise right smack dab into the home of the largest,
fiercest, most terrifying meat-eating killers to ever breathe oxygen.
The ride starts with a death-defying [well... sometimes defying, sometimes inviting] drop of nearly two stories. Only most
of the time does the safety harness come out of the zipline, dropping our riders directly on to the forest floor below. This
nearly vertical drop is used to build up a little speed which by the end slows to the point that you may be spinning your
legs in the air to 'hurry up' the rate of speed.
Did we mention how territorial these creatures are, and the lengths they will go in order to defend their territory? Well,
hop aboard! You'll find out very soon. And yes, YOU will be right there dangling in the middle of their territory.
Each safety harness is designed to hold up to... well, a few pounds or so, but a lot of our visiting parents like to have
ALL their whiney children take the ride at the same time - just like many men pay much, much, more than full tab to have their
mother-in-law go on the ride before anyone else. Awwww, isn't that sweet? Having good ol' Mom go first. Such gentlemen!
Getting into a safety harness is quite simple: your harness fits snuggly around your legs so that you basically "sit" in the
harness itself and grab onto the supporting rope to keep you upright. It's a comfortable "swing" throughout the ride - right
up to the point where you leave the launching platform. From that point on you can't glide fast enough. We would go on here
about the landing area and what happens there, but obviously, we'll need someone to MAKE it there first.
For those who really think they help, we have several styles and sizes of safety helmets to rent at the Launch Platform. Prices
range from Unbelievable to You Gotta Be Kidding Me. These are available from the helmet vending machine which accepts Visa
|THIS PROBABLY ISN'T GOING TO END WELL
|Next Of Kin Should Be Proud - Usually They Don't Make It This Far
To Help Pay For Damaged Or Dead Trees, Write
CretaceouStudies@aol.com or CretaceouStudies@yahoo.com
YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT'S NEXT