|
That's right! We've opened up THE CRETACEOUSLAND! CAMPGROUNDS for 'round the clock
family fun with the premier Dinosaur-ladened camping facility in the world! Nothing compares to setting up your own campsite
fire, pitching your tent (or a rental fire and rental tent from the Cretaceousland!
Rental Office at the front gate), as the sun sets after a tough day at Cretaceousland!.
By the time you've set up that 6-man tent you'll forget there are only 2 people remaining to use it.
Relax late into the evening to the sounds of a crackling fire, the wind in the trees, the soft rumbling growl from the stomachs
of nearby, unseen 5-ton, 35-foot long predators with 6-inch long teeth. Listen as the crickets suddenly stop chirping and
an eerie silence surrounds the campgrounds, then awaken refreshed to the screams of fellow campers.
Please note that we strictly enforce rules and regulations concerning the disposal of food and food containers, campfires
after sunset (when the majority of Dinosaurs hunt), and the retrieval of your camping equipment once you abandon the site
- via running or entering the afterlife. And by stating "strictly enforcing" we don't mean we're stupid enough to send in
our own people to make sure you are following the rules. When the guys come in to draw the chalk outlines, they also outline
food wrappers and note other rule infringements. Your next of kin will receive the bill for clean-up and will be held responsible
for regulations violations.
| OPEN FIRES AT NIGHT? NOT REALLY A GOOD IDEA |
|
| Unfortunately For Those In This Photo, This Is The BEFORE Picture |
The Cretaceousland! Rental Office, located near the front gate to THE
CRETACEOUS CAMPGROUNDS, is often open although the 'Be Right Back' sign hasn't been removed since 1982.
You can rent anything and everything to make your stay complete and 100% comfortable. Just not 100% safe. Tents, outdoor stoves,
sleeping bags, emergency first-aid kits, tranquilizer darts, smoke bombs... and more! Forget something at home? Not a problem!
Chances are we have it here at very unreasonable prices for our convenience and your safety!
The best thing about THE CRETACEOUS CAMPGROUNDS is that you can pitch your tent,
make camp, start a campfire, and get ready to run, anywhere you darn well please on our sprawling site. Just try to remember
you are in a live Dinosaur Habitat, ok? This ain't Boy Scout camp.
Perhaps you'll be one of the lucky few who have a big ol' Rex snuggle right next to your tent for the entire night! Talk about
security! Talk about wetting your sleeping bag! Talk about how many times in one night you can blubber out the Lord's Prayer!
Hey, at least the smaller Raptors won't be getting into your tent that night!
From several accounts of actual eye witnesses: there is nothing quite as exhilirating as crawling out of your tent first thing
in the morning, the sun just peeking over the eastern horizon, dew still clinging to the grass. You stand outside your tent,
yawning, stretching. Cup o' Joe in one hand, wearing a cheesy-looking, worn-out bathrobe... and watching a small group of
25-foot Whatchamacallitsaurs stroll through the group of tents in your campground, barely making a sound as they patrol
the 'breakfast buffet'.
And though the muffled screaming, coming from inside one of the nearby tents, should jolt you awake, all you'll be
able to do is stand there with trembling lips, bug-eyed, and too petrified to move. Your arm will go limp, the coffee spilling
onto your foot with the burning sensation finally jolting you back to most likely your last morning at THE
CRETACEOUS CAMPGROUNDS .
| REMEMBER: STORE FOOD IN SEALED CONTAI... OH FORGET IT |
|
| Consider Yourself Lucky If Your Tent Isn't Eaten |
THE CRETACEOUS CAMPGROUNDS offer many varied camping possibilities, none of them
completely safe. In fact, none of them are more than 8% safe. But all of these are hair-raising and exciting - and
sometimes fun! No need to make reservations. There's plenty of room for everyone. And if there's not, wait about 10 minutes.
Or better yet, listen for the screams. That usually signals a campground site just becoming available! Find a place near a
stream, or a grove of trees, and set up for as many days or nights you think you can make it. We would HIGHLY suggest you
refrain from setting up in an open meadow. Many campers set up their tents in one of the nearby hotel rooms.
Vehicles are allowed on established dirt paths which we call 'roadways' inside the Habitat, but are to be used only for entering
or exiting the campground. NO off-roading. Motorized vehicles are prohibited for any other use. All access roads are dirt,
so please make sure your vehicle is meant for an off-road environment. Vehicle speed inside the Kampgrounds should never exceed
15 mph, although some of our camping guests have run past vehicles going in the same direction - heading for the exit - while
'practicing' evacuation.
| CAMP SURVIVORS CAN TAKE PART IN BORING LECTURES |
|
| These Campers Are Learning How To Burn Marshmallows The Fast, New Age Way |
To Do Something Stupid, Like Go Camping Here, Write
CretaceouStudies@aol.com or
CretaceouStudies@yahoo.com or CretaceouStudies@gmail.com
UP NEXT: DRIVING WITH DINOSAURS!
|
