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Upon Your Arrival
Feed A Raptor!
Run From Dinosaurs!
Bike With Dinosaurs!
Pet A Dinosaur!
Swim With Dinosaurs!
Swing With Dinosaurs!
Camp With Dinosaurs!
Drive With Dinosaurs!
Visitor's Final Look
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Sign Our Guestbook!

WELCOME TO
CRETACEOUSLAND!
The Center for Cretaceous Studies
and most likely the world's ONLY
Live Dinosaur Reserve & Theme Park

REMEMBER: ANYTHING UNDER 36" MUST BE THROWN BACK
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This Is What Happens When You Use Cows As Bait

PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY
even though they asked us to go away

WELCOME to the official CRETACEOUSLAND! website you poor misguided soul.!

You've just discovered the only LIVE Dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet!

Right here you can overload your senses -- and probably your underwear -- all the while seeing real, live, breathing, roaring, ferocious, meat-eating, ravenous, killer Dinosaurs in the great outdoors!

You'll experience Terrible Lizards that will tear you, your family, your friends, and people you don't even know, to shreds with no hesitation whatsoever with a devastation so severe it will actually hurt your ancestors. But don't worry... you can still pet them!

As the world's only live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND! is located only a quick ambulance ride from The Center for Cretaceous Studies. In fact, we fight over the same parking spots.

So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths (+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA. We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.

In the meantime, we've allowed you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats as they originally and naturally appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives you an excellent chance to contract some heretofore unknown and incurable prehistoric disease or allergy! See? It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?

Take a moment or three and see what's in store for you and your family this summer when you resign yourself into visiting CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.

Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!

BOOKMARK this site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below, is updated every few days during the season!

We think you'll agree with that one guy who made it out of here alive:
A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!

CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG
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Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here

THE CRETACEOUSLAND! UNDIES, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda-Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?
On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 31 AUGUST 2014

BOARD DECIDES TO FILL IN HOLE OF PERIMETER FENCE
After Eight Busloads Of Tourists Vanish With No Explanation

A massive hole near Habitat (HAB)83... well, HAB83 to HAB97... that played a big part... well, the ONLY part... in getting eight prized busloads of tourists swallowed won't be a permanent attraction at the Perimeter Fence.

The Board of Director (we only have one since a Board of Directors vs. Velociraptor osmolskae incident on Thursday) voted Saturday to fill in the entire hole that opened up and became an internet sensation. Well, maybe not internet, but it's been a hot topic of conversation in the employee cafeterias. Curiosity over the hole revved up tour bus ticket sales, but when it came to actually going out there to look at it, the majority of seats remained empty.

The vote to mend the hole was nearly unanimous, 1-0.

Mindful of the hole's popularity, Cretaceousland! officials were leaning toward keeping part of the hole open until local homeowners on the other side of the fence began whining.

The option of keeping part of the hole open lost favor because of added costs due to potential lawsuits, local homeowner resale value, and funeral costs, officials said.

"We really wanted to preserve a portion of the hole so that guests for years to come could see a little bit of what it is like when Dinosaurs are running around loose, but after receiving more detailed information about what it's like when Dinosaurs are running around loose, the cost outweighs the benefit," said Perimeter Fence Committee member Ike Armuba.

To keep part of the hole, workers would have pretty much had to do nothing -- which is par for the course, said Cretaceousland! spokeswoman Audrey Marx. Costs would have mounted to about $1 million and 35 cents — double earlier estimates — plus loss of life for those employees trying to work on the fence.

Another worry was ongoing maintenance costs if a section of the hole stayed open, they said.

"It just wasn't practical to not fix it," Marx said. "Or something like that."

Cretaceousland! officials haven't disclosed exactly how much it will cost to fill in the 60-foot-long, 45-foot-wide, 22-foot tall, 188-foot broad hole. Repairs are expected to start in November once the DinoResidents are moved back indoors and take about six years, officials said.

The hole will be filled completely with more fence, then workers will drill into it to install steel casings, Marx said. Crews will pour grout and boiling tar into the casings, creating a steel and concrete pillar to provide additional support - not that it will help.

"We're talking about animals that weigh a couple thousand pounds," noted Marx.

Security camera footage showing the departure of dozens of man-eating Dinosaurs has been viewed nearly 8.3 million times by Security staff, who obviously have nothing better to do.

Sales of merchandise are up 0.00001% at the Gifte $hoppe, Marx said. The $hoppe sells hole-related shirts, postcards, prints and a 39-minute DVD about the hole showing several very large animals walking out. Many of those animals are thought to be Dinosaurs... perhaps ours.

Eight buses of tourists have gone missing, which is one more than normal. Three will be put back into service after being hosed down and getting a pretty paint job. The other five were too badly damaged but will be displayed in their dented and crushed conditions at parking lot 3.

"As the buses were recovered, it became clear that restoration would be impractical because so little was left to repair," said Cretaceousland Tour Bus Supervisor Zac Chainge. "And, frankly, there is some teaching value in leaving those buses to be viewed as they are."

The lesson is probably something like: You probably don't want to be here.

Read the REAL story: http://www.foxnews.com/leisure/2014/08/31/kentucky-corvette-museum-decides-to-fill-in-sinkhole-that-damaged-eight-cars/?intcmp=latestnews

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