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About Us
Upon Your Arrival
Feed A Raptor!
Run From Dinosaurs!
Bike With Dinosaurs!
Pet A Dinosaur!
Swim With Dinosaurs!
Swing With Dinosaurs!
Camp With Dinosaurs!
Drive With Dinosaurs!
Visitor's Final Look
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Sign Our Guestbook!

WELCOME TO
CRETACEOUSLAND!
The Center for Cretaceous Studies
and most likely the world's ONLY
Live Dinosaur Reserve & Theme Park

WELL, THOSE ORNAMENTS LASTED ALL OF 4 HOURS
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DinoMedCenter Claims This Is Caused By Vitamin E (Electricity) Deficiency

PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY
even though they asked us to go away

WELCOME to the official CRETACEOUSLAND! website you poor misguided soul.!

You've just discovered the only LIVE Dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet! You're also about to discover one more thing:

ALL the DinoResidents are now back indoors at The Center for the coming winter season. Please visit that site for the latest news!
They'll be staying inside the Indoor Paddocks until the 2015 Spring DinoMove. Nice Timing, Pal! Just click on the link below to visit The Center, but first, waste your time here!

Click Here To Visit The Center (where the DinoResidents currently reside)

When they do return next spring, here's what you can expect. Right here you can overload your senses -- and probably your underwear -- all the while seeing real, live, breathing, roaring, ferocious, meat-eating, ravenous, killer Dinosaurs in the great outdoors!

You'll experience Terrible Lizards that will tear you, your family, your friends, and people you don't even know, to shreds with no hesitation whatsoever with a devastation so severe it will actually hurt your ancestors. But don't worry... you can still pet them!

As the world's only live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND! is located only a quick ambulance ride from The Center for Cretaceous Studies. In fact, we fight over the same parking spots.

So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths (+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA. We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.

In the meantime, we've allowed you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats as they originally and naturally appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives you an excellent chance to contract some heretofore unknown and incurable prehistoric disease or allergy! See? It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?

Take a moment or three and see what's in store for you and your family this summer when you resign yourself into visiting CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.

Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!

BOOKMARK this site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below, is updated every few days during the season!

We think you'll agree with that one guy who made it out of here alive:
A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!

CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG
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Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here

THE CRETACEOUSLAND! UNDIES, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda-Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?
On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 19 DECEMBER 2014


TEENY TINY DINORESIDENT SHOOTS BIG FAT EMPLOYEE
Told Ya They Weren't ALL Locked Up, Says Search & Rescue Team

Cretaceousland! officials have released their findings on the shooting of an employee on Monday in Habitat (HAB)33.

Security Chief Barb Dwyer said DinoFeeder Erin Juchmunt, 36, had driven to HAB33 with two other employees to move a vehicle that had become stuck. Juchmunt was standing beside his truck as chains were being removed from the front of it when he was shot with a taser weapon in the Cretaceousland! truck's front seat.

Dwyer said Juchmunt "saw a DinoResident in the front seat of the truck, perhaps a Labocan." Among other personal items laying on the front seat was a 60hz TFT (Taser Firing Thingie) 9.2a weapon with the safety apparently turned off. The DinoResident managed to discharge the weapon, which fired tasers into Juchmunt.

The rounds struck Juchmunt in the left arm, his back, 3 spots on his butt, in the back of the head, and clipped his right sleeve without touching his right arm. The TFT9.2a is an automatic weapon first delivered for service in 2004.

Dwyer said the employees laughed uncontrollably as Juchmunt convulsed on the ground from the electrical charges. Both reported seeing a small DinoResident run from the truck. About ten minutes later they called an ambulance and emergency crews hauled him to CFI Care.

While the injury is not life threatening, Erin Juchmunt may lose control of his bowels for at least a week. Coworkers immediately began calling themselves 'former' coworkers and asking for different work schedules.

Security was originally investigating the shooting but found the incident too hilarious and turned the investigation over to Search & Rescue. For his part, Juchmunt said the animal "was pretty big. At least the size of an adult Labocania. Probably bigger." The largest adult Labocania anomala at Cretaceousland! is 19-ft 9-in and weighed 1,822 pounds before last Fall's DinoMove.

Dwyer said an examination of evidence and of witness statements support claims that the shooting was accidental, but counter Juchmunt's claim to have been caused by a VL Carnivore (Very Large). Security tapes show what appears to be a Parvicursor remotus at the scene. The Parvi's are generally less than a foot long and weigh about 6 ounces.

HAB33 officials said they have no idea how long it will take Juchmunt to live down the fact that he was shot by a 'sparrow'.

Read the REAL story: Dog shoots man: Accidental shooting injures man


WEBSITE CHANGES COMING SOON
May Cause Temporary Halt To This Wonderful Prose

Uh oh. We recently saw this notification from Tripod-Lycos:
Time To Migrate! We [Tripod-Lycos] are in the process of retiring the Trellix editor. Soon, to create a new site you will need to use Zeeblio Beta. Within the coming months we will offer automatic conversion of Trellix sites to Zeeblio Beta for paid users. Free users may either convert manually or upgrade to a paid account.

Although there is no deadline announcement, C4CS oddsmakers [the morons hanging around the water cooler instead of working] 'feel' this change will come on or around the new year. What this means to you, the reader, is one day soon this site may not be here!

STOP CRYING! Sheeeeesh. In the meantime we are doing everything possible to make the transition a smooth one, even if we are hell-bent on NOT paying for a website for such a stupid idea as this stuff.

We'll keep this announcement up for a while so all 2 of our readers see it. Rest assured, if anything happens that affects your ability to read this tripe, we'll let you know ASAP! Thanks

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