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Home
About Us
Upon Your Arrival
Feed A Raptor!
Run From Dinosaurs!
Bike With Dinosaurs!
Pet A Dinosaur!
Swim With Dinosaurs!
Swing With Dinosaurs!
Camp With Dinosaurs!
Drive With Dinosaurs!
Visitor's Final Look
Membership
Sign Our Guestbook!

WELCOME TO
CRETACEOUSLAND!
The Center for Cretaceous Studies
and most likely the world's ONLY
Live Dinosaur Reserve & Theme Park

THE LAZY-DINO WAY OF DOING THE FALL DINOMOVE
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We're Not Sure If The Security Officer Made It, But The Animal Is Reportedly In Good Condition

PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY
even though they asked us to go away

WELCOME to the official CRETACEOUSLAND! website you poor misguided soul.!

You've just discovered the only LIVE Dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet! You're also about to discover one more thing: We just moved ALL the DinoResidents back indoors for the coming winter season. They'll be staying over at The Center's Indoor Paddocks until the 2015 Spring DinoMove. Nice Timing, Pal!

When they do return next spring, here's what you can expect. Right here you can overload your senses -- and probably your underwear -- all the while seeing real, live, breathing, roaring, ferocious, meat-eating, ravenous, killer Dinosaurs in the great outdoors!

You'll experience Terrible Lizards that will tear you, your family, your friends, and people you don't even know, to shreds with no hesitation whatsoever with a devastation so severe it will actually hurt your ancestors. But don't worry... you can still pet them!

As the world's only live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND! is located only a quick ambulance ride from The Center for Cretaceous Studies. In fact, we fight over the same parking spots.

So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths (+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA. We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.

In the meantime, we've allowed you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats as they originally and naturally appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives you an excellent chance to contract some heretofore unknown and incurable prehistoric disease or allergy! See? It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?

Take a moment or three and see what's in store for you and your family this summer when you resign yourself into visiting CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.

Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!

BOOKMARK this site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below, is updated every few days during the season!

We think you'll agree with that one guy who made it out of here alive:
A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!

CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG
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Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here

THE CRETACEOUSLAND! UNDIES, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda-Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?
On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 18 OCTOBER 2014


CEOs CREDIT CARD DECLINED - AGAIN
Supposedly Causes Small Fuss

Security is charged with watching the CEO's back, but who's watching his wallet?

When his credit card was declined at lunch today while dining on the Mediterranean coast, C4CS and Cretaceousland! CEO and founder Dr. S Beckmann wondered if he had become a victim of identity theft - or if he had used his library card by mistake.

"It turned out, I guess I don't use it enough," Dr. Big Shot said later Friday on the bow of his, er, The Center's company yacht.

Said girlfriend and Hollywood actress Anita D'Groyne, "They thought there was some fraud going on." The no-star restaurant where the two dined said they swiped the card and their machine started on fire. Dr. Beckmann averted talking about the situation by saying he will be announcing a plan to tighten Security for those Cretaceousland! employees transferring to work over at The Center this winter.

"I was trying to explain to them that not all employees will be able to get out of Cretaceousland! right away. Sometimes a Dinosaur will tree 3 or 4 people for a week, or other individuals could be hiding in a cave somewhere. I really think they've been paying their dues."

Fortunately hot babe girlfriend Anita D'Groyne was able to whip out a credit card they could use.

Identity theft is a growing problem and so is going waaaaaaay over your credit limit. Dr. Beckmann's Visa was over limit by an estimated $100 million which may have affected his purchasing power in the past year at retailers like Target and Home Depot.

He and D'Groyne were spending the weekend of the 2014 Fall DinoMove as far away as possible in a nice, warm, safe place. While employees here are running for their lives moving the Dinosaurs indoors, he and Anita D'Groyne will be tanning.

Read the REAL story: Obama's under-used credit card declined in NY cafe


COMET TO MISS CRETACEOUSLAND BY ONLY 90 MILLION MILES OR SO
No, Repeat, NO One Seems Concerned

A comet the size of a four-lane interstate is speeding toward a close-encounter with Mars. Comet "Spring Aluminum Siding" is expected to come within 87,000 acres of Mars at about 2:27 p.m. ET on Sunday (4:10 Cretaceousland! Time) -- very close for a comet or any other type of cleaner. The space rock is moving at about 126,362 mph (56 kilometers over the limit).

Cretaceousland! Astronomy Supervisor Len Scappon thinks the comet will miss Cretaceousland!, but comets spew out a trail of dust and gas, and that could help fill the nearly empty tanks of most Cretaceousland! vehicles. Oh wait... not that kind of gas?

"Cretaceousland! will be right at the edge of caring, because all of the DinoResidents will be moved indoors by Sunday night and they can't see anything in the sky. We might encounter some of the species seeing something -- or might not," said Scappon in his always precise judgement.

"It only takes a half-a-pea-sized hail particle traveling at 56 bazillion kilometers per year to injure one of these animals," noted DinoMedical surgeon Ella Fynoe, while watching a NASA video. Eh, she's a doctor, not a space techie.

Just to be safe, The Center and Cretaceousland! are moving the DinoResidents to the other side of the campus as the comet approaches.

"We were going to do it anyway!" protested Cretaceousland! spokesman Audrey Marx. "I'm not sure why this is a story. It's kind of like diving under your usual low reporting skills as if there's an earthquake when it's just a large theropod walking past."

Read the REAL story: Duck-and-cover time for Mars spacecraft as comet nears

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