The Center for Cretaceous Studies and most likely the world's ONLY
Live Dinosaur Reserve & Theme Park
|OPENING DAY IN LESS THAN A WEEK!!!!
|Building F "A Bit Behind Schedule" According To Contractor
PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY
even though they asked us to go away
the official CRETACEOUSLAND! website you poor misguided soul.!
You've just discovered the only LIVE Dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet! You're also about to discover
one more thing:
ALL the DinoResidents are indoors, over at The Center
for the winter season. Please visit that site for the latest news!
be staying inside the Indoor Paddocks until the Spring DinoMove on MAYDAY! (May 1st); about a month from now. Nice timing,
pal! Just click on the link below to visit The Center, but first, go ahead and waste your time here!
Click Here To Visit The Center (where the DinoResidents are)
When they do return this May here's what you can expect: overloaded
senses, ditto your underwear; all the while seeing real, live, breathing, roaring, ferocious, carnivourus, ravenous, killer
Dinosaurs in pretty, flower-filled, outdoor Habitats filled with lovely butterflies and little chirping birdies!
You'll experience Terrible Lizards that will tear you, your family, your friends, and people you don't even know, to shreds
with no hesitation whatsoever with a devastation so severe it will actually hurt your ancestors. But don't worry...
you can still pet them!
As the world's only live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND! is located only a quick
ambulance ride from The Center for Cretaceous Studies. In fact, we fight over the
same parking spots.
So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths
(+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA.
We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.
In the meantime, we've allowed you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats as they originally
and naturally appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives you an excellent
chance to contract some heretofore unknown and incurable prehistoric disease or allergy! See? It just keeps getting better
and better, doesn't it?
Take a moment or three and see what's in store for you and your family this next summer when you resign yourself into visiting
CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.
Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!
site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below,
is updated every few days during the season!
We think you'll agree with that one guy who made it out of here alive:
A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!
|CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG
|Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here
THE CRETACEOUSLAND! UNDIES, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?
On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 25 APRIL 2015
HAB18 POISED TO BECOME FIRST HABITAT TO RAISE SULKING AGE TO 21
Officials Believe Pouting Detracts Potential Visitors
A bill that would make Habitat (HAB)18 the first to raise the legal sulking age to 21 cleared the Board of Directors on Friday
and is headed to CEO and founder, Dr. S Beckmann. The bill would prevent surviving visitors and next of kin from sulking or
possessing traditional remorseful looks on their faces once they learn that a loved one is now past tense after visiting a
live Dinosaur research institution or theme park.
"It's definitely groundbreaking legislation," said HAB18 Supervisor Ron Lykell, who pushed for the bill. "It's amazing
to be the first Habitat in something other than most fatalities every year. That's very exciting for us."
Dr. Beckmann hasn't yet decided whether he will sign the bill, and his staff has to vet all bills for legal issues, he said.
"The departments will be doing their review and then we'll have the opportunity to look at it," the CEO said.
Those caught breaking the rules would be fined $10 for the first offense, and subsequent violations would lead to a $50 fine
or mandatory return trips inside the Habitat. HAB18 is the summer home for the three Tyrannosaurus rex family groups.
Dozens of HABs have similar bans, including 2 3 5 7 11 13 17 19 23 29 31 37 41 43 47 53 59 61 67 and 71, though none have
fines included. According to the C4CS Department of Health (wait. we have one of those?!?), 5,600 visitors try sulking
each day, and 90 percent of sulkers begin before 7:00 a.m. Meanwhile, 1,400 people suffer slight fatalities while sulking
near Indoor Paddocks (IPs) or HABs, according to the Sulking Statistic Department.
"Today we have the opportunity to change the paradigm," said Ron Lykell.
Sulking would fall an estimated 12 percent if the minimum sulking age was raised to 21, according to a report by the Sulking
Statistic Department, which is part of Building R's research organization.
Opponents say it's unfair that a Cretaceousland! veteran returning from work inside a Habitat could be prevented from sulking.
"It is not right because you are deemed an employee when punch the clock," said Les Ismore, HAB64 DinoHandler. "You
can sign up and be in the HAB and basically give your life for your company. You can vote whether to stay in there or not,"
he said. "Why shouldn't you be able to choose if you want to sulk or show sadness, when your closest coworkers, legal
adults, are eaten?"
HAB39 Supervisor, Gordon Diaz, who is for the bill, said if Cretaceousland! wants to eliminate sulking, it should ban it for
everyone. "You can sign contracts, you can get chased or eaten, you can go to work and lose an arm or lose an eye ... you
come back out of the hospital and you're 20 years old and you can't sulk. You move on," Diaz stated.
Read the REAL story: Hawaii poised to become first state to raise smoking age to 21
NEXT-TO-LAST CALL GOES OUT FOR SPRING DINOMOVE VOLUNTEERS
Pretty Posters In Company Hallways Will Inform Employees Of Things
It's the final week before the return of the DinoResidents here at Cretaceousland!!!! The 2015 Spring DinoMove is upon us.
Oh, stop crying. In a few days the DinoResidents return to Cretaceousland! to enjoy the great outdoors once again.
C4CS HR Department Supervisor Kay Sera announced a freeze on all vacations until mid-May, so don't get any ideas about leaving
or calling in sick.
CEO and founder Dr. S Beckmann released a statement saying (basically), "Good luck! I'm outta here!"
2015 Spring DinoMove Supervisor Patty Pewper once again noted that early volunteers will get their choice of species to move
-- usually something about the size of a chicken -- while late volunteers will be stuck with Tyrannosaurs or something
of that nature.
"One good thing about being a late volunteer," said Pewper, "is the free Last Rites everyone gets for helping move
any animal that weighs over a ton."
She also coaxed employees to 'volunteer' noisy neighbors or people they really don't like.
Opening Day (MAYDAY!) starts at 6:00am rain or shine, May 1st, over at the back gate of Building F at the Center for Cretaceous
Studies. Current plans are for a parade with marching bands, several floats, dignitaries, and a fly-over by the CFI Care Life-Flight
helicopter squad. Then again, those are just plans. If it's anything like previous Spring DinoMove, it's every man for himself.
WEBSITE CHANGES UPDATE
Here's the latest update from Tripod-Lycos, our free website hosts:
In order to allow more time for users to prepare their sites for migration and to learn the Zeeblio editor, we have postponed
the migration date from Trellix into Zeeblio Beta. Any further updates on the migration will be posted.
Current Trellix Status:
•Trellix is no longer a supported editor. We are not maintaining the code and will not be fixing any bugs within the
•Trellix is only compatible with Internet Explorer 10 or earlier. If you use Internet Explorer 11 you will need to
use compatibility mode.
Note: The Center currently uses Internet Explorer 3.1
•Since Trellix is a legacy editor, there are limitations as to what the editor can accomplish and you may assume that
a behavior is a bug, but it is actually just a limitation. For example, there is no ability to change page width in Trellix.
Trellix Migration Date: TBD
Remember, we are very cheap around here, so for us to take this 'free ride' for as long as it lasts
shouldn't come as a big surprise. A back-up site is being prepared. Well, sort of. First we really need to have enough DinoResident
incident-surviving programmers and we can tear them away from the bar.
We knew you'd understand.
-- The Center for Cretaceous Studies Website & Publishing Department