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About Us
Upon Your Arrival
Feed A Raptor!
Run From Dinosaurs!
Bike With Dinosaurs!
Pet A Dinosaur!
Swim With Dinosaurs!
Swing With Dinosaurs!
Camp With Dinosaurs!
Drive With Dinosaurs!
Visitor's Final Look
Membership
Sign Our Guestbook!

WELCOME TO
CRETACEOUSLAND!
The Center for Cretaceous Studies
and most likely the world's ONLY
Live Dinosaur Reserve & Theme Park

WE'RE REALLY GETTING TIRED OF THIS CRAP
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And The Snow And Bitter Cold Doesn't Help, Either.

PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY
even though they asked us to go away

WELCOME to the official CRETACEOUSLAND! website you poor misguided soul.!

You've just discovered the only LIVE Dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet! You're also about to discover one more thing:

ALL the DinoResidents are now back indoors at The Center for the winter season. Please visit that site for the latest news!

They'll be staying inside the Indoor Paddocks until the 2015 Spring DinoMove. Nice timing, pal! Just click on the link below to visit The Center, but first, go ahead and waste your time here!

Click Here To Visit The Center (where the DinoResidents currently reside)

When they do return this spring -- MAYDAY!! (May 1st) -- here's what you can expect: overload your senses, ditto your underwear, all the while seeing real, live, breathing, roaring, ferocious, carnivourus, ravenous, killer Dinosaurs in pretty, flower-filled, outdoor Habitats with lovely butterflies and chirping birdies!

You'll experience Terrible Lizards that will tear you, your family, your friends, and people you don't even know, to shreds with no hesitation whatsoever with a devastation so severe it will actually hurt your ancestors. But don't worry... you can still pet them!

As the world's only live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND! is located only a quick ambulance ride from The Center for Cretaceous Studies. In fact, we fight over the same parking spots.

So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths (+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA. We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.

In the meantime, we've allowed you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats as they originally and naturally appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives you an excellent chance to contract some heretofore unknown and incurable prehistoric disease or allergy! See? It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?

Take a moment or three and see what's in store for you and your family this next summer when you resign yourself into visiting CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.

Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!

BOOKMARK this site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below, is updated every few days during the season!

We think you'll agree with that one guy who made it out of here alive:
A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!

CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG
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Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here

THE CRETACEOUSLAND! UNDIES, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?
On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 28 FEBRUARY 2015


TWO LOOSE LABOCANIAS CAUGHT AFTER RUNNING AMOK
Wait. What Were They Running? Amok? Oh, Ok...

Two quick-footed, 20-ft., 1.2-ton Labocania anomalas dashed in and out of construction traffic in Habitat (HAB)28 before they were captured by Cretaceousland! authorities, causing a stir on the roads and on social media.

A large, light gray "Lab" and a smaller black "Lab" darted through several construction sites during the lunch hour. Trucks and golf carts stopped in their tracks because of the wayward man-eating, animals. The fugitive Labs were part of a trio that was making a therapy visit to the C4CS DinoMedCenter when they broke free.

Their televised breakout from DinoMedCenter quickly inspired a Tweeter account and several hashtags including #LabsonTheLoose, #labdrama, #TEAMLABS, #LabAteMyBuddy, and #OWthatHurts.

HAB28 Supervisor Ron Lykell and the crews of nearby Habitats got in on the fun. Lykell tweeted that he was "glad that #LabDrama has been peacefully resolved with only a small loss of life!" DinoFeeders and DinoHandlers from nearby outdoor Habitats tweeted that they "agreed to one-year extra feed deals with the #labsontheloose," promising the animals a salary in cattle meat if they stopped eating their fellow HAB employees.

Even the North American Perimeter Defense Command Company, makers of the Cretaceousland! Perimeter Fencing, tweeted: "Labocanias had no known connections to holes in perimeter fencing at HABs 18 through 64. Appears to have self-radicalized."

Cretaceousland! spokesman, Audrey Marx, said it was the first time The Center had lost a DinoResident on it's way to the DinoMedCenter in nearly a week. Cretaceousland!s nearby community of about 37,000 people that is primarily made up of retirees, was told to stay indoors. "Which is pretty much where they've all been staying since moving here," noted Marx.

For more than an hour, the animals walked up and down the halls at the DinoMedCenter awaiting their therapy sessions, Marx said. Sometime after 11 a.m., the "Labs" made a break for it. That's when one got startled and took off, with the second "Lab" in pursuit.

Marx said DinoMedCenter staff and some nearby DinoHandlers tried to help corral the animals. Even the DinoMedCenter facility's chef made an effort by waving cauliflower. Yeah, like that's gonna help. Marx noted that all funeral announcements will be posted on the bulletin board outside of C4CS Employee Cafeteria 2.

Because there weren't enough people to encircle the Labs , the handlers instructed everyone to slowly walk toward them with their arms out. It was at this point everyone pretty much figured out they all had to be Looney Tunes to even consider approaching the Greater Carnivores (those animals weighing over one ton each), let alone trying to capture one, especially a Greater Carnivore with a former coworker in it's mouth, and everyone got in their cars and drove off.

"So many times we thought we were going to get them there, and they would reach out and bite someone in half or eat someone, then dart in another direction," Audrey Marx reported.

The Labs got around the corner of Building T, currently being rehabbed after last season's damage from DinoResidents, and broke into a run down the street. That's when someone called 91185728563243598989899999 (Cretaceousland!'s emergency number) on a rotary dial phone, according to the Chief of Security Barb Dwyer. The call came in around 4:00pm.

The animals galloped along the sidewalk, through manicured yards and alongside construction areas. They thwarted numerous attempts by DinoHandlers and bystanders to round them up before they finally were doped by roughly two dozen darts. Only 74 construction employees were reportedly hit by the same knock-out darts.

The black Lab was captured first. The gray one was nabbed after two men in the back of a moving pickup repeatedly shot LTL (Less Than Lethal) darts into the animal. It took three dozen men, fourteen women, and six kids to secure the rope.

The entire ordeal lasted about five hours. Spokesman Audrey Marx said nobody was slightly hurt -- only seriously -- and the Labs were returned to their Indoor Paddocks at The Center.

Read the REAL story: Llama drama: 2 loose llamas lassoed after running amok in Phoenix-area retirement community


WEBSITE CHANGES COMING "SOON"
May Cause Temporary Halt To This Wonderful Prose

Uh oh. We recently saw this notification from Tripod-Lycos:
Time To Migrate! We [Tripod-Lycos] are in the process of retiring the Trellix editor. Soon, to create a new site you will need to use Zeeblio Beta. Within the coming months we will offer automatic conversion of Trellix sites to Zeeblio Beta for paid users. Free users may either convert manually or upgrade to a paid account.

Although there is no deadline announcement, C4CS oddsmakers [the morons hanging around the water cooler instead of working] 'feel' this change will come on or around the new year. What this means to you, the reader, is one day soon this site may not be here!

STOP CRYING! Sheeeeesh. In the meantime we are doing everything possible to make the transition a smooth one, even if we are hell-bent on NOT paying for a website for such a stupid idea as this stuff.

We'll keep this announcement up for a while so all 2 of our readers see it. Rest assured, if anything happens that affects your ability to read this tripe, we'll let you know ASAP! Thanks

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