The Center for Cretaceous Studies
and most likely the world's ONLY
Live Dinosaur Reserve & Theme Park
|LUCKILY ALL OUR DINOSAURS ARE BACK INDOORS
|This Must Have Been From Someone Else's Dinosaurs. Not Ours. Nope. Uh Uh.
PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY
even though they asked us to go away
the official CRETACEOUSLAND! website you poor misguided soul.!
You've just discovered the only LIVE Dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet! You're also about to discover
one more thing:
ALL the DinoResidents are now back indoors at The Center
for the coming winter season. Please visit that site for the latest news!
They'll be staying inside the Indoor Paddocks until the 2015 Spring DinoMove. Nice Timing, Pal!
When they do return next spring, here's what you can expect. Right here you can overload your senses -- and probably
your underwear -- all the while seeing real, live, breathing, roaring, ferocious, meat-eating, ravenous, killer Dinosaurs
in the great outdoors!
You'll experience Terrible Lizards that will tear you, your family, your friends, and people you don't even know, to shreds
with no hesitation whatsoever with a devastation so severe it will actually hurt your ancestors. But don't worry...
you can still pet them!
As the world's only live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND! is located only a quick
ambulance ride from The Center for Cretaceous Studies. In fact, we fight over the
same parking spots.
So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths
(+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA.
We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.
In the meantime, we've allowed you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats as they originally
and naturally appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives you an excellent
chance to contract some heretofore unknown and incurable prehistoric disease or allergy! See? It just keeps getting better
and better, doesn't it?
Take a moment or three and see what's in store for you and your family this summer when you resign yourself into visiting
CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.
Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!
site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below,
is updated every few days during the season!
We think you'll agree with that one guy who made it out of here alive:
A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!
|CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG
|Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here
THE CRETACEOUSLAND! UNDIES, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda-Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?
On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 28 NOVEMBER 2014
HABITATS KEEP FATALITY OUTPUT STEADY DESPITE PRICES
2014 Admissions Prices Announced
Reflecting its lessening population of live Dinosaurs, Cretaceousland! officials decided Thursday to keep its emergency and
ambulatory output target on hold and sit out falling tourist numbers that will likely spiral even lower as a result of winter
Habitat admission prices fell sharply after Cretaceousland! closed for the season two months ago. Even though the decision
was largely expected, it showed the once-powerful outdoor theme park and live Dinosaur reserve is losing the power to push
up markets to its own advantage.
Cretaceousland! has traditionally relied on weather to regulate supply and prices -- mostly because we're closed during the
winter. But it appeared to realize Thursday that with wide open and (mostly) unpopulated by man-eating Dinosaurs Habitats
in oversupply, a reduction would only cut into Cretaceousland!s share of the live Dinosaur research market without a lasting
boost in attendance.
Instead, the move to try to maintain a lower production target of X-amount of injuries, MPEs, LEEs, (Missing, Presumed Eaten,
and Life Ending Events) per day appeared to reflect acceptance of the C4CS view that short-term pain had to be accepted for
In other words, while the Dinosaurs are gone get this dump fixed up and ready for next Spring when the animals return.
Officials also announced the new Winter Pricing Plan. The admission is set for idiots who want to ski, skate, and probably
perish in nonpopulated live DinoResident Habitats during the winter season. The Winter price rose $5 to a four-year low of
$72.76 per injury. As recently as Monday it averaged around $1150.
Officials noted that any costs above that "probably puts you on the MPE or LEE list."
Read the REAL story: OPEC keeps oil output steady despite falling prices