The Center for Cretaceous Studies and most likely the world's ONLY
Live Dinosaur Reserve & Theme Park
|FINAL DAYS - LITERALLY - TO SEE DINOS OUTDOORS!
|Too Bad This Couple Missed The One Behind Them
PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY
even though they asked us to go away
Look For The Center On Facebook!
why? for what sane reason would you do that?
|People for the Ethical Treatment Of Dinosaurs. Charter Member Since We Joined Last Week
to the official CRETACEOUSLAND! website
you poor misguided soul!
You've just discovered the only LIVE Dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet!
What can you expect to find while you're here - besides your worst nightmares
coming true? Let's start with terrible lizards that can and will tear you, your family, your friends, and people you don't
even know, to shreds with no hesitation whatsoever with a devastation so severe it will actually hurt your ancestors.
But don't worry... you can still see them, pet them, run from them, etc.
As the world's only live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND! is located just a quick
ambulance ride from our parent company The Center for Cretaceous Studies. In fact,
we fight over the same parking spots.
So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths
(+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA.
We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.
We'll give you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats (HABs) as they originally, naturally
appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives you an excellent chance
to contract some heretofore unknown and probably incurable prehistoric disease or allergy!
See? It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?
Take a moment or three to see what's in store for you and your family this summer when you resign yourself into visiting CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.
Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!
site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below,
is updated every time we have a reporter who survives another week in this death trap!
We think you'll agree with that one guy who nearly made it out of here alive:
A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!
|CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG
|Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here
THE CRETACEOUSLAND! NEWSUNDIES, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?
On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 22 OCTOBER 2016
SCIENTISTS LOCATE SITE WHERE DINORESIDENTS BREACHED FENCE
It Was Right There In Plain Sight All Along, Says Guy Mowing Lawn
A group of C4CS scientists (if we can call them that) say they've found evidence of a battlefield from the Oxalaia quilombensis
Habitat that date back to 2014.
Recent excavations at Perimeter Fence F revealed a section of the so-called "Third Fence" at Habitat 54 where dozens
of 40-foot Maastrichtian Age DinoResidents breached on their way to conquering the city, according to the scientists. No one
knows if they ever made it to the city, but at last count all 19 of our Oxalaia quilombensis were accounted for.
Outside the fence, the scientists found that the ground was littered with claw marks that were "bigger than a bread basket",
suggesting that this area had been under heavy action from the spinosaurids.
These remains were unearthed Wednesday at the site where the new camping trash dump is to be built, in an area of Cretaceousland!
that is known today as the Pretty Flowerbeds.
"This is a fascinating testimony of the intensive bombardment by very large DinoResidents, led by Titus, the pack leader,
on their way to getting out and destroying the Second Fence," the excavation scientists, Claude DeGrown and S. Kape, said
in a statement from the site. They were scheduled to speak at the press conference but were hiding in the trees at the site,
keeping out of the way of roaming spinosaurids below. "The onslaught was intended to attack the fence and provide a hole
large enough so they could approach the second and third fences with battering rams and thereby breach Cretaceousland!s defenses."
An eyewitness to the fence busting, Cretaceousland! historian Mack Gruder, wrote the seminal account of the Oxalaia
siege of the fence breach, which included key details about the Third Fence.
Cretaceousland! spokesman Audrey Marx said the fence was built to protect a neighborhood called Falling Values, which was
built outside the Cretaceousland! boundaries at the time. The construction was started by Agrippa & Sons, Konstruction King
of Kommunities, and was finished two months later to help fortify the outward appearance that it was actually safe to live
right next to a live Dinosaur research institution.
Ultimately, the uprising against the fence was unsuccessful, and in late summer of 2014 the Oxalaia looked back as
they left and destroyed much of the fencing, including the Second through Fifth Fence.
The newly uncovered section of the fence is 16.2 feet (1.9 acres) wide. Pottery discovered at the site suggests that neighbors
who have been reported missing may have tried to thwart the escape by throwing tea cups at the 5-7 ton animals, the scientists
said. They also discovered the remains of a dogs and cats along the fence.
The new findings could help settle some debate about the exact location of the Third Fence, a search which has been going
on ever since some idiot threw away the original diagrams. The discoveries will be presented next week at the New Studies
in the Art of Keeping Dinosaurs Behind Fences.
Read the REAL story: Scientists locate site where ancient Roman armies breached Jerusalem walls
HURRICANE MATT UNEARTH'S HUGE TOOTH
Felt Like A Sharp, Stabbing Pain," Says Guy
Hurricane Matt sort of unearthed an exciting artifact for one Virginia couple. Nate Cowbell and his wife Pegg were on vacation
inside Habitat 95 and stumbled across a prehistoric tooth.
“We had been there maybe 5 minutes, standing in the trees watching a group of Masiakasaur feeding on some
poor animal, when all of a sudden the wind picked up and started blowing the tree leaves.
The wind was coming off the east coast's hurricane Matt. "I looked to my left and within two feet I saw this tooth, which
I thought it was a tooth but I’ve never seen anything that large," Cowbell said. “My wife though it was
a rock. And I reached over and picked it up and I saw the serrated edges and blood dripping from it so I knew then that it
was a big tooth, but I had no idea if it was from a Masiakasaurus knopfleri.”
Caowbell and his wife took the tooth to a Cretaceousland! employee who then spoke with Brandy N. Derroks, an HAB95 DinoHandler
who told them it was an ordinary tooth; it was likely “millions of years old.” Turns out, it came from
what used to be the animal that the Masiakasaur were feeding on. Ewwww.....
Cowbell says he is keeping the tooth: “Why not? Later on some stupid Dinosaur took my wife in two bites, so why not
put it in a display case and just keeping it... it is a great conversation piece."
Read The REAL Story: Hurricane Matthew unearths huge prehistoric shark tooth
THIS FRIDAY!!!: THE FALL DINOMOVE 2016
Black Out Begins As Soon As You Read This
Much to our relief, the 2016 Fall DinoMove (aka "The Fall DinoMove 2016") begins Friday evening, 28 October, after first shift
ends at 5:00pm! We finally get to toss these monsters back indoors and let The Center for Cretaceous Studies handle
Although fewer than 3% of our current employees will ever see that day, NOW is the time when you can sign up as a volunteer
to help move the DinoResidents back indoors to The Center for Cretaceous Studies for the coming winter season.
Sign-up sheets are posted on the bulletin board outside C4CS Employee Cafeteria 2. If you have any questions regarding this
annual event, please direct them to Patty Pewper at extension pi.
A BOOK ALL DINOSAUR-LOVERS REALLY NEED
Real Book? Seriously? Available Now? Where? How Do We Get It? Huh? Huh?
Can We Possibly Ask More Questions Or Does This
About Cover It?
Yes Virginia, there really is a book about our parent company, aka The Center for Cretaceous Studies, aka this death
The world has waited 66 million years - give or take a month - for live Dinosaurs & comedy to come together. Until that happens,
here's our shot at it.
Grab your copy of "The Center for Cretaceous Studies" before they sell out! Ok, that might be stretching it a bit.
Anyway, pick one up at these fine bookstore websites:
AuthorHouse (eBook and paperback)
Barnes & Noble (paperback)