The Center for Cretaceous Studies
and most likely the world's ONLY
Live Dinosaur Reserve & Theme Park
|GORGOSAURS CONTINUE TO HAMPER PARKING LOT 4
|Right. Flip 'Em Off. That Won't Make Any More Angry... Hungrier? Yes. Angry? No.
PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY
even though they asked us to go away
the official CRETACEOUSLAND! website you poor misguided soul.!
You've just discovered the only LIVE Dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet!
Right here you can overload your senses -- and probably your underwear -- all the while seeing real, live, breathing, roaring,
ferocious, meat-eating, ravenous, killer Dinosaurs in the great outdoors!
You'll experience Terrible Lizards that will tear you, your family, your friends, and people you don't even know, to shreds
with no hesitation whatsoever with a devastation so severe it will actually hurt your ancestors. But don't worry...
you can still pet them!
As the world's only live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND! is located only a quick
ambulance ride from The Center for Cretaceous Studies. In fact, we fight over the
same parking spots.
So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths
(+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA.
We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.
In the meantime, we've allowed you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats as they originally
and naturally appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives you an excellent
chance to contract some heretofore unknown and incurable prehistoric disease or allergy! See? It just keeps getting better
and better, doesn't it?
Take a moment or three and see what's in store for you and your family this summer when you resign yourself into visiting
CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.
Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!
site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below,
is updated every few days during the season!
We think you'll agree with that one guy who made it out of here alive:
A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!
|CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG
|Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here
THE CRETACEOUSLAND! UNDIES, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda-Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?
On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 22 SEPTEMEBER 2014
HABITAT EMPLOYEE QUITS DURING SHIFT TO PROMOTE MEDICAL EMERGENCY - HERS
Look Out For Ambulances, Too
A Habitat (HAB)72 DinoHandler revealed during the morning shift that she needed a lot of medical attention and was quitting
her job to advocate for a quicker ambulance response. This comes as a ballot initiative has been introduced to ok the use
of ambulances for Cretaceousland! employees.
After reporting for work on Monday, Anita Lil Helpp identified herself as the person who called for emergency rescue personnel.
"Everything you've heard is why I, a HAB72 DinoHandler, will be dedicating all my energy toward fighting for my life in
the next few hours, which begins with okaying ambulance service for employees," she said. She then used an expletive to
quit her job and walked into the path of an arriving ambulance.
In a statement about the event, Cretaceousland! spokesman Audrey Marx apologized for Helpp's "inappropriate language" and
said she was terminated.
Marx then explained, "I mean terminated, like the movie The Terminator, terminated."
Helpp told a few close friends at the time clock on Monday that she knew she would be leaving the way she did. No one thinks
she figured on getting run over by an ambulance, though.
Anita Lil Helpp thus becomes the first person retiring from Cretaceousland! not in the mouth of a DinoResident since
Many of Helpp's friends said she never checked both sides of the street and was unbiased about the issue of ambulances for
employees as an employee.
"She was passionate about doing her job, and for a time she had both arms," friend Wendy Pigsfly said.
Messages left Monday morning with HAB72 Supervisor Stan Wayback weren't immediately returned. They still weren't returned
by late Monday. In fact, many wonder if Wayback even showed up for work today. He has that drinking problem and th...
Anyway, business records indicate Helpp called for ambulances at 8:65 Cretaceousland! time (4:20 a.m.). HAB72 is home to the
Aucasaurus garridoi family groups. The Santonian Age adults reach 13-ft and nearly 520 lbs, according to some guy we
Holly Unlikely, a coworker with Helpp since both were hired three weeks ago, said she hopes those attending her funeral look
beyond Helpp's salty language.
"I hope that her language, which clearly used too much salt, doesn't distract from the importance of her message,"
said Unlikely, "And that is to look out for ambulances. What? That wasn't it? Oh... Oh yeah.. to have ambulances for employees
or something. But you really should watch out for ambulances around this dump, too."
After employees approved the use of emergency medical assistance in 1988, The Center never set up roads for ambulances to
get in, forcing people to walk themselves to access areas, she said.
Read the REAL story: alaska-television-reporter-quits-on-air-to-promote-medical-marijuana-business