The Center for Cretaceous Studies
and most likely the world's ONLY
Live Dinosaur Reserve & Theme Park
|REPAIR CREWS APPEAR ANXIOUS TO START WORKING
|The Orange Vests Help Dinosaurs See Employees A LOT Easier
PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY
even though they asked us to go away
the official CRETACEOUSLAND! website you poor misguided soul.!
You've just discovered the only LIVE Dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet!
Right here you can overload your senses -- and probably your underwear -- all the while seeing real, live, breathing, roaring,
ferocious, meat-eating, ravenous, killer Dinosaurs in the great outdoors!
You'll experience Terrible Lizards that will tear you, your family, your friends, and people you don't even know, to shreds
with no hesitation whatsoever with a devastation so severe it will actually hurt your ancestors. But don't worry...
you can still pet them!
As the world's only live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND! is located only a quick
ambulance ride from The Center for Cretaceous Studies. In fact, we fight over the
same parking spots.
So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths
(+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA.
We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.
In the meantime, we've allowed you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats as they originally
and naturally appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives you an excellent
chance to contract some heretofore unknown and incurable prehistoric disease or allergy! See? It just keeps getting better
and better, doesn't it?
Take a moment or three and see what's in store for you and your family this summer when you resign yourself into visiting
CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.
Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!
site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below,
is updated every few days during the season!
We think you'll agree with that one guy who made it out of here alive:
A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!
|CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG
|Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here
THE CRETACEOUSLAND! UNDIES, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda-Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?
On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 29 SEPTEMEBER 2014
OFFICIALS REVIEWING HABITAT CONTROL CONTIGENCY PLANS
They Are Learning How To Pronounce The Word 'Contingency'
Cretaceousland! officials are reviewing security practices and how it deals with unexpected incidents throughout its live
DinoResident Habitat (HAB) facilities following last week's tire incident in HAB18, spokesman Audrey Marx said today.
The tire brought flights of tourists to a halt and disrupted HAB visitation across the company as DinoResidents got all excited
about a new toy to play with. Authorities say the tire was brought in by a contract employee who also tried to commit double
By going in and trying to remove the tire - a toy for the HAB18 Tyrannosaurus rex family group - from the damaged
Habitat, Cretaceousland! officials may be able to bring service at HAB18 back to 10 percent of normal and nearby HAB19 to
5 percent of normal, Marx said.
The team of C4CS employees and Cretaceousland! representatives conducting the tire rescue has been asked to "think as creatively
as possible and not mourn the loss of dozens of friends and coworkers," and to complete their work within 3 days, she
"If we need to make changes because of the incident that happened in HAB18 on Friday we will not hesitate to do so,"
Marx told a 1/64th-filled press room (no doughnuts).
The employee who threw in the tire worked for the Harried Corporation, which provides Cretaceousland!s tire toys, also known
as chewie toys, she said. The Habitat where the tire-tossing took place contained "at least 5 adult male Tyrannosaurs".
Of 29 Tyrannosaurs, 20 will have to be moved to a different HAB while employees go in to rescue the tire, she said.
Cretaceousland! has heightened security at all its live DinoResident Habitat facilities in response to the incident, but the
review will look at what more can be done on background checks, foreground checks, paychecks, Chex cereal, and access, Marx
said. "Everything needs to be looked at closely, so this will probably take until 2031 at the rate we work," she said.
Read the REAL story: FAA reviewing air traffic control contingency plans