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Home
About Us
Upon Your Arrival
Feed A Raptor!
Run From Dinosaurs!
Bike With Dinosaurs!
Pet A Dinosaur!
Swim With Dinosaurs!
Swing With Dinosaurs!
Camp With Dinosaurs!
Drive With Dinosaurs!
Visitor's Final Look
Membership
Sign Our Guestbook!

WELCOME TO
CRETACEOUSLAND!
The Center for Cretaceous Studies and most likely the world's ONLY
Live Dinosaur Reserve & Theme Park

FRESH-BAKED PIE MISSING FROM HAB110
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Supervisor Chi Ting Indicates Approximate Size Before Sending Employees Out To Look

PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY

even though they asked us to go away

Look For The Center On Facebook!

why? for what sane reason would you do that?

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People for the Ethical Treatment Of Dinosaurs. Charter Member Since We Joined Last Week

WELCOME to the official CRETACEOUSLAND! website you poor misguided soul!

You've just discovered the only LIVE Dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet! What can you expect to find while you're here - besides your worst nightmares coming true?

Well, uh, guess that pretty much sums it up.

Luckily (for us) we just moved the DinoResidents back indoors at The Center for Cretaceous Studies, so now it is nearly safe to visit. 'Nearly' because there always seem to be one or two hiding.

As the world's only outdoor, live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND! is located just a quick ambulance ride from our parent company The Center for Cretaceous Studies. In fact, we fight over the same parking spots.

So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths (+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA. We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.

We'll give you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats (HABs) as they originally, naturally appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives you an excellent chance to contract some heretofore unknown and probably incurable prehistoric disease or allergy!

See? It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?

Take a moment or three to see what's in store for you and your family next summer when you resign yourself into visiting CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.

Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!

BOOKMARK this site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below, is updated every time we have a reporter who survives another week in this death trap!

We think you'll agree with that one guy who nearly made it out of here alive:
A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!

CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG
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Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here

THE CRETACEOUSLAND! NEWSUNDIES, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?
On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 10 DECEMBER 2017


"LAST EMPLOYEE" PREMIERES AMID SO-SO SECURITY
Employees Scramble, Fight, Punch, Kick, To Get Out Of Theater

During the annual C4CS Christmas Party last night, a procession of Security employees and a squad of red-armored elite guards marched on the red carpet in the hallway for the premiere of “C4CS: The Last Employee” that was being shown in Building G here at Cretaceousland!.

But it was everyday Security personnel who made sure that employees and all three fans alike stayed. They locked the doors from the outside.

Cars entering the lower parking garage near Building G passed through two checkpoints in order to get in. One checkpoint used Dinosaur-sniffing dogs while the other checked vehicles using flashlights, someone said.

Outside the "theater" in Building G (actually we just set up some folding chairs in a room) really bad music blared and employees cheered -- well, didn't yell obscenities -- in anticipation of the world premiere of latest installment in the beloved franchise.

Wait. There's more than one? Oh crap.

The late Larry Fischer, who worked in HAB56 this past year for nearly a week, makes an appearance in the movie as he is being taken away in an ambulance.

The director is HAB61 DinoHandler Ryan Johnston, known for “The Brothers Broom” (2008) another movie no one liked, and for several commercials for Cretaeousland! tourism.

There was concern earlier Saturday that CEO and founder Dr. S Beckmann would miss the premiere because of travel problems. He usually leaves the office Christmas Party after giving a rousing welcome.

Dr. Beckmann arrived on the red carpet hand-in-hand with Hollywood actress girlfriend Anita DeGroyne, wearing a dark plaid tuxedo and turtleneck. For the premiere, many employees waved stuffed pasta, or more accurately, throwing the stuffed pasta.

Ms. DeGroyne arrived at the premiere wearing a shimmering dress adorned with stars, while trying her best to look interested in any of this.

"It's a ‘Work’ movie, but the energy tonight is pretty amazing considering it's probably going to suck," said a beaming Andy Zoff, who works as a DinoFeeder in HAB88.

Secrecy about the film, which had been screened only for select VIPs prior to Saturday’s premiere, was still in place. Tony Danielson, who plays an employee from Monday through Friday and was guarding the exits, told anyone who would listen, "I'm going to let you out only if you can get out yourself."

“The Last Employee,"
is one of the year's least anticipated releases and it proved such justification. Early box office projections are for the film to debut in the $20 range for its first weekend.

Read the REAL story: 'Last Jedi' premieres in LA amid tight security


A BOOK ALL DINOSAUR-LOVERS REALLY NEED
A Real Book? Seriously? Available Now? Where? How Do We Get It? Huh? Huh?
Can We Possibly Ask More Questions Or Does This About Cover It?

Yes Virginia, there really is a book about our parent company, aka The Center for Cretaceous Studies, aka this death trap!

The world has waited 66 million years - give or take a month - for live Dinosaurs & comedy to come together. Until that happens, here's our shot at it.

Grab your copy of "The Center for Cretaceous Studies" before they sell out! Ok, that might be stretching it a bit. Anyway, pick one up at these fine bookstore websites:

AuthorHouse (eBook and paperback)

Barnes & Noble (paperback)

Amazon (paperback)

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