The Center for Cretaceous Studies and most likely the world's ONLY
Live Dinosaur Reserve & Theme Park
|BOARD APPROVES TRIAL OF NEW UNIFORMS
|Reported To Be 30% Less Crunchy Than Current Style
PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY
even though they asked us to go away
Look For The Center On Facebook!
why? for what sane reason would you do that?
|People for the Ethical Treatment Of Dinosaurs. Charter Member Since We Joined Last Week
WELCOME to the official CRETACEOUSLAND!
website you poor misguided soul!
You've just discovered the only LIVE Dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet! What can you expect to find
while you're here - besides your worst nightmares coming true? NOTHING!!! That's right - we just moved the animals back to
their Winter Indoor Paddocks (IPs) at The Center. However, you are more than welcome to roam around the now-empty Habitats
to enjoy the scenery! And, who knows? You may encounter one of the man-eating, ferocious, killer DinoResidents that we forgot
to move! Hey, it's happened before.
Though the animals are gone until next Spring, here's some boring information to entice you to come and still risk your very
life - and those who surround you - by visiting! As the world's only outdoor, live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND!
is located just a quick ambulance ride from our parent company The Center for Cretaceous
Studies! In fact, we fight over the same parking spots every day.
So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths
(+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA.
We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.
We'll give you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats (HABs) as they originally, naturally
appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives you an excellent chance
to contract some heretofore unknown and probably incurable prehistoric disease or allergy!
See? It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?
Take a moment or three to see what's in store for you and your family next summer when you resign yourself into visiting CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.
Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!
site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below,
is updated every time we have a reporter who survives another week in this death trap!
We think you'll agree with that one guy who nearly made it out of here alive:
A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!
|CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG
|Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here
THE CRETACEOUSLAND! NEWSUNDIES, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?
On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 7 NOVEMBER 2019
HABITAT VISITOR SINKS BASKETBALL LAY-UP; WINS FREE LIFETIME PASS
Immediately Gives It Back
One of the final 2019 Cretaceousland! visitors made a basketball lay-up shot while touring the campus Tuesday afternoon and
won a lifetime free pass to Cretaceousland!, according to reports, none of them likely to be true.
To qualify for the lay-up shot, Otto Bounds, who was picked out of the crowd, first had to bark like a dog, jump through a
hoop, and sink the lay-up in under 30 minutes. It seems none of our tourists are in very good shape. Not that we're complaining:
It helps keep the feed bill low during the Summer. Bounds made the shot just as time ran out.
The crowd, all 3 of them, went crazy... well, one guy said "Whoop!" after he sank the lay-up without touching the rim.
Presenting the Lifetime Free Pass to Bounds was Cretaceousland!s spokesman, Audrey Marx. Once he regained his composure, stopped
sweating like a pig, Bounds realized what his "free gift" meant and immediately refused to accept it. Bounds is now the 16,775th
visitor to return a free Cretaceousland! lifetime pass.
Read the REAL story: Oklahoma student sinks half-court shot for free tuition
A BOOK ALL DINOSAUR-LOVERS REALLY NEED
Real Book? Seriously? Available Now? Where? How Do We Get It? Huh? Huh?
Can We Possibly Ask More Questions Or Does This
About Cover It?
Yes Virginia, there really is a book about our parent company, aka The Center for Cretaceous Studies, aka this death
The world has waited 66 million years - give or take a month - for live Dinosaurs & comedy to come together. Until that happens,
here's our shot at it.
Grab your copy of "The Center for Cretaceous Studies" before they sell out! Ok, that might be stretching it a bit.
Anyway, pick one up at these fine bookstore websites:
AuthorHouse (eBook and paperback)
Barnes & Noble (paperback)