The Center for Cretaceous Studies and most likely the world's ONLY
Live Dinosaur Reserve & Theme Park
|SOMETIME THE BUS GETS HERE ON TIME
|Most Times... Not.
PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY
even though they asked us to go away
Look For The Center On Facebook!
why? for what sane reason would you do that?
|People for the Ethical Treatment Of Dinosaurs. Charter Member Since We Joined Last Week
to the official CRETACEOUSLAND! website
you poor misguided soul!
You've just discovered the only LIVE Dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet!
What can you expect to find while you're here? Nuthin' but empty Habitats (HABs)!
See, a while ago we moved the DinoResidents into their Indoor Paddocks for the winter. They're all over at The Center now.
Because of your tardiness you missed experiencing Terrible Lizards that could and would tear you, your family, your friends,
and people you don't even know to shreds with no hesitation whatsoever with a devastation so severe it would actually
hurt your ancestors. But don't worry... you can still see them, pet them, run from them, at their Indoor Paddocks (IPs) over
at The Center.
In the meantime, as the world's only live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND! is
located just a quick ambulance ride from The Center for Cretaceous Studies. In fact,
we fight over the same parking spots.
So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths
(+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA.
We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.
During our summer season we'll give you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats (HABs)
as they originally, naturally appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives
you an excellent chance to contract some heretofore unknown and probably incurable prehistoric disease or allergy!
See? It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?
Take a moment or three to see what's in store for you and your family next summer when you resign yourself into visiting CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.
Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!
site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below,
is updated every time we have a reporter who survives another day here during the season!
We think you'll agree with that one guy who made it out of here alive:
A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!
|CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG
|Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here
THE CRETACEOUSLAND! NEWSUNDIES, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?
On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 27 NOVEMBER 2015
'STUDY' FINDS SOUTHWEST GATE WORST TRAFFIC BOTTLENECK
All Emergency Exits Clogged Worse Than CEOs Arteries
A study by an advocacy group who had the guts to actually show up at this death trap found the worst traffic bottleneck in
terms of hours of delay is the SouthWest gate.
We're not sure how much this 'study' cost us, er, the American taxpayer, but the SouthWest gate has long been commonly considered
by employees and visitors alike the absolute worst place to get out of here alive.
Said Habitat (HAB)40 DinoFeeder Jocelyn DeKontents, "It's the absolute worst place."
The study released Monday by the American Emergency Exit Users Alliance assessed bottlenecks, finding that the top 10 such
exits at The Center and Cretaceousland! cause at least one million hours of automotive repair shop work each year and three
million injuries that involve the minimum use of a bandage on average.
The study found the top 10 bottlenecks are concentrated in the west side of the C4CS campus, with the worst being a the SouthWest
gate. The study asserts that congestion cost motorists 16.9 million hours last year in time off from work to recuperate from
injuries or attend funerals but with about 6.3 million pounds savings in food for the DinoResidents.
Eleven of the Top 10 most severe chokepoints are in the region around HAB18, the summer home of the three Tyrannosaurus
rex family groups, with the NorthWest gate coming in second. The E-35 corridor (Emergency Exit Road 35) running past HAB90
was considered safest, but wasn't included in the 'study' because the 'study' only looked at the worst spots.
Read the REAL story: Study finds Chicago home to nation's worst bottleneck