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About Us
Upon Your Arrival
Feed A Raptor!
Run From Dinosaurs!
Bike With Dinosaurs!
Pet A Dinosaur!
Swim With Dinosaurs!
Swing With Dinosaurs!
Camp With Dinosaurs!
Drive With Dinosaurs!
Visitor's Final Look
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Sign Our Guestbook!

WELCOME TO
CRETACEOUSLAND!
The Center for Cretaceous Studies and most likely the world's ONLY
Live Dinosaur Reserve & Theme Park

NOTHING LIKE A RELAXING BEACH PICNIC
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Eat, Drink And Relax VERY Quickly

PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY

even though they asked us to go away

Look For The Center On Facebook!

why? for what sane reason would you do that?

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People for the Ethical Treatment Of Dinosaurs. Charter Member Since We Joined Last Week

WELCOME to the official CRETACEOUSLAND! website you poor misguided soul!

You've just discovered the only LIVE Dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet! What can you expect to find while you're here - besides your worst nightmares coming true?

Well, uh, guess that pretty much sums it up.

Luckily (for you, because you don't have to work here) the DinoResidents are outdoors here at CRETACEOUSLAND! for the entire summer! Yeah. yay. whee.

As the world's only outdoor, live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND! is located just a quick ambulance ride from our parent company The Center for Cretaceous Studies. In fact, we fight over the same parking spots.

So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths (+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA. We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.

We'll give you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats (HABs) as they originally, naturally appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives you an excellent chance to contract some heretofore unknown and probably incurable prehistoric disease or allergy!

See? It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?

Take a moment or three to see what's in store for you and your family next summer when you resign yourself into visiting CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.

Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!

BOOKMARK this site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below, is updated every time we have a reporter who survives another week in this death trap!

We think you'll agree with that one guy who nearly made it out of here alive:
A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!

CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG
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Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here

THE CRETACEOUSLAND! NEWSUNDIES, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?
On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 14 JULY 2018


DOZENS PROTEST AT CRETACEOUSLAND!s SOUTHWEST GATE AND INSIDE
"Would Have Been More," Says Bystander, "But No One Knows Where This Place Is"

A bevy of anti-Cretaceousland! protests broke out on Saturday, with 3 or 4 people marching near the SouthWest Gate; several protesting within earshot of guests arriving and also screaming at ambulances as they left.

The drama, which comes on the heels of similar widespread demonstrations here on Friday, was unfolding as Cretaceousland! employees prepare for Monday's high-stakes workday with live DinoResidents, none which are from Helsinki.

A dozen demonstrators, ok, 7, were staging a protest picnic on the Lake Death beach inside Cretaceousland!, chanting "Two! Four! Six! Eight! What Comes Next? We Don't Know!" as other Cretaceousland! guests played on the warm sandy beach just 100 yards away.

Some protesters in Habitat (HAB)81 were carried away after suffering what appeared to be "life-threatening" injuries - AKA "normal activity" around here, including one leaving HAB66 in two ambulances.

Meanwhile, in HAB39, eight demonstrators made their way to the Meadows, a part in the Habitat where a giant flatland allows for unobstructed views of distant prehistoric carnivores. Except this time they weren't so 'distant'. Security estimated the number of people gathering at the Meadows for the start of the demonstration at up to nine, maybe ten. That number was quickly reduced.

It took two hours for the Cretaceousland! Search & Rescue teams to weave its way through the paperwork needed to begin operations, much to the amusement of tourists and motorists, who beeped their horns as the S&R team attempted to push-start their ambulance.

New Yorker Max Stout, who has wanted to visit Cretaceousland! for years, told the AP he came to stand next to "the most famous dinosaurs of all time". Doctors at CFI Care reported that Stout should make a full recovery in 3-to-4 years.

"There's no way I'm going back," the 31-year-old said. "Even if there's only three or four digits in the admission price next time, what are the chances that this is my last time here? me wanting to come back, that's the worrisome thing. I may need counseling for wanting to come here in the first place."

Read the REAL story: Thousands protest Trump's 'bigotry' in Scotland; police hunt for paraglider protester who breached no-fly-zone


A BOOK ALL DINOSAUR-LOVERS REALLY NEED
A Real Book? Seriously? Available Now? Where? How Do We Get It? Huh? Huh?
Can We Possibly Ask More Questions Or Does This About Cover It?

Yes Virginia, there really is a book about our parent company, aka The Center for Cretaceous Studies, aka this death trap!

The world has waited 66 million years - give or take a month - for live Dinosaurs & comedy to come together. Until that happens, here's our shot at it.

Grab your copy of "The Center for Cretaceous Studies" before they sell out! Ok, that might be stretching it a bit. Anyway, pick one up at these fine bookstore websites:

AuthorHouse (eBook and paperback)

Barnes & Noble (paperback)

Amazon (paperback)

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