The Center for Cretaceous Studies
and most likely the world's ONLY
Live Dinosaur Reserve & Theme Park
|COUNTDOWN CLOCK CONTINUES TOWARD MAYDAY!!!!!
|Hey! What Th... Just When You Think You Have A Pretty Picture, Some Stupid Car Chase Runs In Front
PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY
even though they asked us to go away
the official CRETACEOUSLAND! website you poor misguided soul.!
You've just discovered the only LIVE Dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet! You're also going to discover
that you are TOO EARLY for the DinoResidents! Nice timing, pal!
The animals will return to Cretaceousland! on Opening Day 2014: May 1st
During the summer season (you know... when we have Dinosaurs here?) you can overload your senses -- and probably your
underwear -- while seeing real, live, breathing, roaring, ferocious, meat-eating, ravenous, killer Dinosaurs outdoors!
You'll experience Terrible Lizards that will tear you, your family, your friends, and people you don't even know, to shreds
with no hesitation whatsoever with a devastation so severe it will actually hurt your ancestors. But don't worry...
you can still pet them!
As the world's only live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND! is located only a quick
ambulance ride from The Center for Cretaceous Studies. In fact, we fight over the
same parking spots.
So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths
(+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA.
We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.
In the meantime, we've allowed you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats as they originally
and naturally appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives you an excellent
chance to contract some heretofore unknown and incurable prehistoric disease or allergy! See? It just keeps getting better
and better, doesn't it?
Take a moment or three and see what's in store for you and your family next summer when you resign yourself into visiting
CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.
Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!
site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below,
is updated every once in a while during our off-season!
We think you'll agree with the one guy who made it out of here alive:
A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!
|CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG
|Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here
THE CRETACEOUSLAND! UNDIES, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda-Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?
On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 16 APRIL 2014
COMPUTER GOOF-UP MAY FORCE SOMEONE TO GO INSIDE HABITAT
Straws 'Very Scarce' Says Guy
A computer outage controlling the automatic locks may require a Habitat (HAB) walk by several HAB employees and threatens
to delay next week's Easter Egg Hunt. Cretaceousland! officials said at today's press conference featuring double chocolate
doughnuts that a backup computer on the outside of the gate to HAB109 is not responding to commands.
The main computer at the Cretaceouslan! headquarters, or underground bunker as it is known, called an MDM or multi-dysfunctional
motorthingie, is working fine -- depending on your definition of 'fine, and the crews still working inside most of the HABs
are in no danger, officials lied. But these computers control some robotic functions that would be needed for the upcoming
Spring DinoMove. A backup computer would need to be operating at least 72 hours before the DinoMove or the opening, shutting,
and locking of gates would be done by hand.
The last time this was done was 1984, according to records at the Records & CDs Department. They contacted CFI Care to inquire
how many ambulances were required that day. Their logbook contains nearly 5,000 entries.
Late Friday, Cretaceousland! Mission Control was trying to determine whether the computer can be repaired or must be replaced.
A replacement would have to be accomplished by Habitat walking employees. Although it should be safe out there -- with
the animals supposedly locked inside at The Center -- already this year over 1500 ambulances and Life Flights have originated
The Center is still aiming for a May 1st launch of the 2014 Cretaceousland! season. But that could change, depending on the
status of the bad computer or the status of HAB employees not returning from the installation of the replacement computer.
Read the REAL story: http://www.foxnews.com/science/2014/04/12/space-station-computer-outage-may-force-spacewalk-958168569/
15 DAYS UNTIL WE ARE OPEN! CRY OUT WAILING EMPLOYEES
Says Facing The End Of Life Can Be Difficult For Some... Ok, All
Only 15 days remain until the grounds here at Cretaceousland! are crawling with 60-foot, multi-ton and 3-foot, 5-pound animals...
all willing to do bodily harm to every employee. Cretaceousland! psychiatrists in Building Y are working around the clock,
4 hours a day, 2 days a week, talking to Cretaceousland! employees who think they know what's coming.
"They're all crazy as looney tunes to work here," said Psychiatrist Dr. Jean Poole.
Opening Day (aka "MAYDAY!) is May 1st. At that point all activities and business will be run at the Cretaceousland! offices
while the buildings over at The Center are rehabbed or torn down and rebuilt.
Cretaceousland! employees will find that dozens of offices are already staffed and ready to help. Cretaceousland! spokesman
Audrey Marx reported that vital services, such as emergency evacuation, Search & Rescue, Life Flight ground crews, morgue,
and landscaping are all up and running. We're not sure how 'vital' that last one is.
Volunteers can sign up on a list located on the bulletin board outside C4CS Employee Cafeteria 2. Hurry! There are only a
few spots remaining!