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Home
About Us
Upon Your Arrival
Feed A Raptor!
Run From Dinosaurs!
Bike With Dinosaurs!
Pet A Dinosaur!
Swim With Dinosaurs!
Swing With Dinosaurs!
Camp With Dinosaurs!
Drive With Dinosaurs!
Visitor's Final Look
Membership
Sign Our Guestbook!

WELCOME TO
CRETACEOUSLAND!
The Center for Cretaceous Studies
and most likely the world's ONLY
Live Dinosaur Reserve & Theme Park

LOCAL NEIGHBORHOODS COMPLAINING OF DINODAMAGE
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Local Repair Companies Complaining Of Employees Being Eaten

PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY
even though they asked us to go away

WELCOME to the official CRETACEOUSLAND! website you poor misguided soul.!

You've just discovered the only LIVE Dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet!

Right here you can overload your senses -- and probably your underwear -- all the while seeing real, live, breathing, roaring, ferocious, meat-eating, ravenous, killer Dinosaurs in the great outdoors!

You'll experience Terrible Lizards that will tear you, your family, your friends, and people you don't even know, to shreds with no hesitation whatsoever with a devastation so severe it will actually hurt your ancestors. But don't worry... you can still pet them!

As the world's only live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND! is located only a quick ambulance ride from The Center for Cretaceous Studies. In fact, we fight over the same parking spots.

So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths (+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA. We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.

In the meantime, we've allowed you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats as they originally and naturally appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives you an excellent chance to contract some heretofore unknown and incurable prehistoric disease or allergy! See? It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?

Take a moment or three and see what's in store for you and your family this summer when you resign yourself into visiting CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.

Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!

BOOKMARK this site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below, is updated every few days during the season!

We think you'll agree with that one guy who made it out of here alive:
A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!

CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG
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Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here

THE CRETACEOUSLAND! UNDIES, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda-Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?
On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 28 AUGUST 2014

CRETACEOUSLAND! JOB CLAIMS FALL FOR SECOND WEEK
Absolutely No One Wants To Work With Tyrannosaurs

The number of Americans filing new claims for employment benefits at Cretaceousland! fell for a second straight week last week, underscoring the weakening labor market fundamentals of working with live, carnivorous Dinosaurs.

Initial claims for employment benefits -- that includes time off when you're not punched in, and a Get Well card when you're shipped off to CFI Care -- slipped 1,000 to a seasonally adjusted 298,000 for the week ended Aug. 23, the Center for Cretaceous Studies Labor Department said today. Claims for yesterday were revised to show 1,000 less applications received than previously reported.

Economists polled by some guy with a notebook and a pencil had forecast claims falling to 300,000 last week. A C4CS Labor Department analyst (we have one of those?!?) said there were no special factors influencing the level data, or even the tilted data.

The eighty-week average of claims, considered a better if not convoluted measure of labor market trends that reduces week-to-week volatility, fell 1,254 to 29,9753.5, pointing to sturdy job gains in some HABs and a Cretaceousland! economy that is somehow growing above its potential - of which there is none.

Job growth has topped 200,000 (actually 200,001) for six consecutive minutes, which hasn't been done since 1997, following what many still claim as the worst day in Cretaceousland! history: 'Black Friday' even though it happened on a Tuesday and the sun was shining. Of those 200,000 or so hires we hope to have 12 or 13 of them still here by the time you read this.

The so-called continuing claims that no one wants to work in Habitat 18 (home of the Tyrannosaurus rex family groups) was covered by sample questions posed to incoming employees to calculate the unemployment rate for the HAB. Continuing claims increased 19,000% between the July and August, suggesting little change in the LEE or MPE (Life Ending Event and Missing Presumed Eaten) rate, which was at 96.2 percent last month.

Read the REAL story: http://www.foxbusiness.com/economy-policy/2014/08/28/us-jobless-claims-fall-for-second-consecutive-week/

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