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Home
About Us
Upon Your Arrival
Feed A Raptor!
Run From Dinosaurs!
Bike With Dinosaurs!
Pet A Dinosaur!
Swim With Dinosaurs!
Swing With Dinosaurs!
Camp With Dinosaurs!
Drive With Dinosaurs!
Visitor's Final Look
Membership
Sign Our Guestbook!

WELCOME TO
CRETACEOUSLAND!
The Center for Cretaceous Studies and most likely the world's ONLY
Live Dinosaur Reserve & Theme Park

ONE WARM DAY AND THEY START COMING OUT OF NO WHERE
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We Sure Wish Those Idiots At The Center Would Learn How To Lock A Gate

PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY

even though they asked us to go away

Look For The Center On Facebook!

why? for what sane reason would you do that?

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People for the Ethical Treatment Of Dinosaurs. Charter Member Since We Joined Last Week

WELCOME to the official CRETACEOUSLAND! website you poor misguided soul!

You've just discovered the only LIVE Dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet! What can you expect to find while you're here - besides your worst nightmares coming true?

NOTHING.

Sorry folks, but we moved 'em all back indoors to The Center for Cretaceous Studies for the winter months ago. Where have you been?!?

However, next Spring (1 May), you can once again - or just once - enjoy terrible lizards that can and will tear you, your family, your friends, and people you don't even know, to shreds with no hesitation whatsoever with a devastation so severe it will actually hurt your ancestors. But don't worry... you will still be able to see them, pet them, run from them, etc.

As the world's only live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND! is located just a quick ambulance ride from our parent company The Center for Cretaceous Studies. In fact, we fight over the same parking spots.

So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths (+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA. We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.

We'll give you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats (HABs) as they originally, naturally appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives you an excellent chance to contract some heretofore unknown and probably incurable prehistoric disease or allergy!

See? It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?

Take a moment or three to see what's in store for you and your family next summer when you resign yourself into visiting CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.

Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!

BOOKMARK this site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below, is updated every time we have a reporter who survives another week in this death trap!

We think you'll agree with that one guy who nearly made it out of here alive:
A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!

CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG
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Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here

THE CRETACEOUSLAND! NEWSUNDIES, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?
On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 25 MARCH 2017


ELDERLY COUPLE TAKES WRONG TURN, ENDS UP HERE
"This Sure Ain't Michigan!" Exclaims Guy Not Even Involved In This Story

A 96-year-old woman and an 119-year-old man took the wrong exit from the interstate in their Porsche and ended up at the SouthEast Gate instead of Michigan.

Helen Wheels and her boyfriend, George Onmamind, ended up honking at the SouthEast Gate on Thursday instead of Grand Rapids, Michigan after mounting their GPS upside down on the dash of George's 2016 Porsche 911.

Cretaceousland! Visitor Department Supervisor Noah Refund blamed a malfunctioning All Access-Pass scanner for not catching the mix-up.

Refund apologized for the mistake and says the couple was given a full All-Day Pass, even if it was presented posthumously. Seems they chanced upon a 21-foot, 1-ton Teratophoneus curriei running around loose by the SouthEast Gate.

The couple's next of kin flew in from Fort Lauderdale and planned to try again to get near their final resting place, although we doubt there was much resting.

Read the REAL story: Elderly couple on wrong flight; end up in NY, not Michigan


A BOOK ALL DINOSAUR-LOVERS REALLY NEED
A Real Book? Seriously? Available Now? Where? How Do We Get It? Huh? Huh?
Can We Possibly Ask More Questions Or Does This About Cover It?

Yes Virginia, there really is a book about our parent company, aka The Center for Cretaceous Studies, aka this death trap!

The world has waited 66 million years - give or take a month - for live Dinosaurs & comedy to come together. Until that happens, here's our shot at it.

Grab your copy of "The Center for Cretaceous Studies" before they sell out! Ok, that might be stretching it a bit. Anyway, pick one up at these fine bookstore websites:

AuthorHouse (eBook and paperback)

Barnes & Noble (paperback)

Amazon (paperback)

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