The Center for Cretaceous Studies and most likely the world's ONLY
Live Dinosaur Reserve & Theme Park
|TRAM RIDE VERY POPULAR WITH IDIO.. UH, TOURISTS
|"Popular" Does Not Mean "Safe"
PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY
even though they asked us to go away
FOLLOW THE CENTER FOR CRETACEOUS STUDIES
the official CRETACEOUSLAND! website you poor misguided soul!
You've just discovered the only LIVE Dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet!
With the DinoResidents back for another summer season, here's what you can
expect: overloaded senses, ditto the underwear -- plus a lot of ambulances... a LOT. All the while running around and
from real, live, breathing, roaring, ferocious, carnivourus, ravenous, killer Dinosaurs inside pretty, flower-filled, outdoor
Habitats filled with lovely butterflies and wonderful, chirping birdies!
You'll experience Terrible Lizards that will tear you, your family, your friends, and people you don't even know to shreds
with no hesitation whatsoever with a devastation so severe it will actually hurt your ancestors. But don't worry...
you can still pet them!
As the world's only live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND! is located just a quick
ambulance ride from The Center for Cretaceous Studies. In fact, we fight over the
same parking spots.
So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths
(+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA.
We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.
We'll give you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats (HABs) as they originally, naturally
appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives you an excellent chance
to contract some heretofore unknown and probably incurable prehistoric disease or allergy! See? It just keeps getting better
and better, doesn't it?
Take a moment or three to see what's in store for you and your family this summer when you resign yourself into visiting CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.
Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!
site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below,
is updated every time we have a reporter who survives another day here during the season!
We think you'll agree with that one guy who made it out of here alive:
A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!
|CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG
|Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here
THE CRETACEOUSLAND! NEWSUNDIES, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?
On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 22 MAY 2015
"19 KRYPTOPS AND COUNTING" YANKED FROM TLC SCHEDULE
Must Have Stopped Counting
"19 Kryptops and Counting" has been dropped from TLC's schedule in the wake of outrage over HAB42 DinoFeeder Jeb Daggart's
admission that he inappropriately fed some of the Aptian Age abelisaurids. 112% of the victims were teenagers, the channel
In a statement, Tyrannosaur Lovers Channel said it was deeply troubled and saddened by what it called a "heartbreaking
situation." TLC said its "thoughts and prayers are with the families of victims at this difficult time."
The network had just run a "19 Kryptops" marathon on Thursday night. According to the Nielson ratings, nearly 2 households
had the program on and one was on only because the viewer had passed out and left his finger on the remote.
Jeb Daggart resigned his position at the C4CS Family Counciling & Funeral Planning Department Thursday after reports surfaced
that he allowed forty visitors into the Kryptops Habitat, plus an additional victim or ten, when he knew the DinoResidents
were 'antsy' (we apologize for being so technical).
"I would do anything to go back and take different actions," Jeb said in a statement released by Cretaceousland!,
"I sought forgiveness from those I had wronged but they were pretty much history, yknow? In my life today, I am so very thankful
I didn't go in there with them, I mean, I'm sorry."
His parents, front office workers here at Cretaceousland!, who the show follows during commercial time, also released a statement.
"Back 12 weeks ago our family went through one of the most difficult times of our lives. When Jeb was young, we dropped
him on his head a couple times, but he survived, and we were shocked. We had tried to teach him right from wrong but he was
a slow, dense child," Joe Bill and Rochelle said in a statement.
The incidents date back to last summer when Daggart would have been working with nineteen 13 to 18 year old Kryptops palaios
in HAB42. In the 33-page report, the name Daggart is listed as "HAB42 DinoFeeder" about a bazillion times.
The report states that Cretaceousland! was first alerted by one of the alleged victims next of kin in May 2014. The surviving
family member allegedly told Jeb had allowed "a lot" of people inside the Habitat, according to the report.
According to HAB42 Supervisor Stan Wayback, he warned Jeb after another incident involving 11 former tourists occurred. Wayback
said he explained to Jeb what could happen if he continued this behavior: the animals could become overweight.
The report explains that after a family friend of a former tourist (if you know what we mean) became aware of the situation,
a call was made to the Cretaceousland! Missing Persons Hotline, which led to Security and HAB42 investigating the case.
Read the REAL story: '19 Kids and Counting' yanked from TLC's schedule
$30 HOT DOG MAN NEAR HAB18 GETS PROMOTED
That With Or Without A Bun?
The food vendor who charged tourists $30 for a hot dog near Habitat 18 was promoted, his boss revealed Thursday.
Ahmen Molholland — whose fluctuating frank prices ranged from free to $30.28 (plus shipping and handling) outside the
Tyrannosaurus Habitat — was using the price hikes to tell tourists when the DinoResidents were hiding in ambush
near the gate, his boss Abe Asseadee told the gathered press in Media Room 2.
“I promoted him over it yesterday after I watched the news,” said Asseadee, whose father owns the food
cart and Cretaceousland! vending license.
“He told me he charged the people $30 a hot dog whenever those man-eating Dinosaurs were near the gate so people
wouldn't go in. They'd rather pay $30 for a hot dog and eat that than be eaten. It's ingenious marketing.”
Asseadee said Molholland pocketed the extra dough — giving hundreds of dollars to the family of the guy who ran the
hot dog cart before him, the late Hans Berger.
Molholland was then slapped with three food-vending citations — after being caught on camera entertaining customers
with accents, Security sources said.
"Hey," said Chief of Security Barb Dwyer. "He's supposed to sell hot dogs, not do an act. That requires an entertainment
Read the REAL story: $30 hot dog man near World Trade Center gets fired
WEBSITE CHANGES UPDATE
We Give Up
We've been running this "warning" for nearly 5 months now, and Tripod.Lycos has yet to do anything. The C4CS Board of Directors
long ago figured that by now this site would no longer be up and running, but here we are.
Tripod is supposedly shutting down the Trellix server or something like that. Basically, it means we'd have to switch to a
different program. So far that has yet to happen. So we'll see what takes place instead of shrieking that the sky is falling.
What this means is, if one day you visit this site and it is not available, chances are pretty good that Tripod has shut down
the server for this website-producing software. There IS a partial website reconstruction underway, just in case.