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About Us
Upon Your Arrival
Feed A Raptor!
Run From Dinosaurs!
Bike With Dinosaurs!
Pet A Dinosaur!
Swim With Dinosaurs!
Swing With Dinosaurs!
Camp With Dinosaurs!
Drive With Dinosaurs!
Visitor's Final Look
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Sign Our Guestbook!

WELCOME TO
CRETACEOUSLAND!
The Center for Cretaceous Studies and most likely the world's ONLY
Live Dinosaur Reserve & Theme Park

NO SNOW ON THE GROUND PROVING COSTLY
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Really Hampers Cross-Country Skiing And Skating, Says Grounds Crew Expert

PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY

even though they asked us to go away

Look For The Center On Facebook!

why? for what sane reason would you do that?

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People for the Ethical Treatment Of Dinosaurs. Charter Member Since We Joined Last Week

WELCOME to the official CRETACEOUSLAND! website you poor misguided soul!

You've just discovered the only LIVE Dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet! What can you expect to find while you're here - besides your worst nightmares coming true?

NOTHING.

Sorry folks, but we moved 'em all back indoors to The Center for Cretaceous Studies for the winter months ago. Where have you been?!?

However, next Spring (1 May), you can once again - or just once - enjoy terrible lizards that can and will tear you, your family, your friends, and people you don't even know, to shreds with no hesitation whatsoever with a devastation so severe it will actually hurt your ancestors. But don't worry... you will still be able to see them, pet them, run from them, etc.

As the world's only live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND! is located just a quick ambulance ride from our parent company The Center for Cretaceous Studies. In fact, we fight over the same parking spots.

So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths (+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA. We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.

We'll give you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats (HABs) as they originally, naturally appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives you an excellent chance to contract some heretofore unknown and probably incurable prehistoric disease or allergy!

See? It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?

Take a moment or three to see what's in store for you and your family next summer when you resign yourself into visiting CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.

Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!

BOOKMARK this site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below, is updated every time we have a reporter who survives another week in this death trap!

We think you'll agree with that one guy who nearly made it out of here alive:
A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!

CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG
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Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here

THE CRETACEOUSLAND! NEWSUNDIES, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?
On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 18 FEBRUARY 2017


CRETACEOUSLAND! OFFICIALS FIGHT ERRONEOUS IMMIGRATION 'SANCTUARY' DESIGNATION
Although It Would Help Lower Our Feed Bill

Cretaceousland! officials have discovered the outdoor live DinoResident theme park's outdoor Habitats (HABs) have been labeled “sanctuaries” for illegal immigrants and say the feds have it wrong, and they fear losing funding under a new directive from Washington.

It didn't make much difference until places were told they would be punished that limit or virtually prohibit local law enforcement from working proactively with immigration agents.

At this morning's press conference, Cretaceousland! spokesman Audrey Marx said, “We have no idea how we got on this list. We notify (immigration officials) all along the way when someone is listed MPE (Missing, Presumed Eaten), and we contact them to verify their status. We are willing to share all our records with Immigration, and if we have a suspected violation we will notify them or transfer the individual to the tyrannosaur Habitat.”

The list of sanctuary communities that has gotten the most attention since Trump became president was compiled by the Center for Immigration Studies (CIS), a Washington, D.C.-based organization that favors not placing immigrants in an outdoor, live Dinosaur environment.

Cretaceousland! Legal Department Supervisor Gil T. Azell noted, “I look at whether we have a policy that blocks ICE access to Habitats. Also, do they have a policy that blocks officers from going inside a live Dinosaur Habitat? I may ask them to give me a statement to be used at their funeral to corroborate what they assert."

“I’m appalled that we’re tagged as a sanctuary, we’re completely the opposite of that,”
screeched Marx when her microphone died. “We are a law and order company. Well, maybe not the 'order' part so much. But..."

"It makes us very mad that we got grouped with sanctuary places, just because some organization comes out with a list,"
she added.

And with that, she stormed off the podium stage, taking the doughnuts with her. Media Room 2 nearly erupted in chaos.

Read the REAL story: As Trump gets tough on immigration, some officials fight what they say are erroneous 'sanctuary' designations


A BOOK ALL DINOSAUR-LOVERS REALLY NEED
A Real Book? Seriously? Available Now? Where? How Do We Get It? Huh? Huh?
Can We Possibly Ask More Questions Or Does This About Cover It?

Yes Virginia, there really is a book about our parent company, aka The Center for Cretaceous Studies, aka this death trap!

The world has waited 66 million years - give or take a month - for live Dinosaurs & comedy to come together. Until that happens, here's our shot at it.

Grab your copy of "The Center for Cretaceous Studies" before they sell out! Ok, that might be stretching it a bit. Anyway, pick one up at these fine bookstore websites:

AuthorHouse (eBook and paperback)

Barnes & Noble (paperback)

Amazon (paperback)

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