The Center for Cretaceous Studies and most likely the world's ONLY
Live Dinosaur Reserve & Theme Park
|PLANE MAKES HISTORY BY ACTUALLY LANDING
|If It Ever Takes Off Again Is Another Matter
PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY
even though they asked us to go away
Look For The Center On Facebook!
why? for what sane reason would you do that?
|People for the Ethical Treatment Of Dinosaurs. Charter Member Since We Joined Last Week
WELCOME to the official CRETACEOUSLAND!
website you poor misguided soul!
You've just discovered the only LIVE Dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet! What can you expect to find
while you're here - besides your worst nightmares coming true?
NOTHING! Well, uh, guess that pretty much sums it up.
The DinoResidents are no longer outdoors here! Lucky for us, eh? We've moved them back to The Center
for Cretaceous Studies months ago for the remainder of the Winter Season! Darn the luck... right?
However, during the summer months, as the world's only outdoor, live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND!
is located just a quick ambulance ride from our parent company The Center for Cretaceous
Studies! In fact, we fight over the same parking spots every day.
So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths
(+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA.
We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.
We'll give you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats (HABs) as they originally, naturally
appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives you an excellent chance
to contract some heretofore unknown and probably incurable prehistoric disease or allergy!
See? It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?
Take a moment or three to see what's in store for you and your family next summer when you resign yourself into visiting CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.
Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!
site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below,
is updated every time we have a reporter who survives another week in this death trap!
We think you'll agree with that one guy who nearly made it out of here alive:
A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!
|CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG
|Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here
THE CRETACEOUSLAND! NEWSUNDIES, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?
On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 17 MARCH 2019
HABITAT 13 SEES MASSIVE TRASH MESS AFTER ST. PATRICK'S DAY CELEBRATION
Of Course By "Massive Trash" We Mean Parts Of Employees
The Habitat (HAB) that hosts the largest St. Patrick's Day celebration in Cretaceousland! was left with the largest cleanup
since last year after revelers were attacked by what many witnesses called "very large animals. Maybe Dinosaurs?" with
parts of employees left littering the HAB with arms, legs, food wrappers and other garbage.
Organizers of the festivities in HAB13, posted images of the grisly, normal-to-us scene in the Habitat with a chipper caption
noting that "thanks to C4CS staff and company-minded volunteers the clean-up is well underway!" The image had been
shared 137,3205 times as of Sunday afternoon and drawn 3 comments.
"This is appalling," one survivor commented. "Who would be surprised to find that the DinoResidents didn't belong
"Until they start remembering to close and lock gates and/or fining people (employees), they will continue to do so
every year," said one employee being loaded into a waiting ambulance. "Cretaceousland! needs to develop a spine!!!"
Cretaceousland! spokesman, Audrey Marx, noted that the Board of Directors has not approved the purchase of a spine. An estimated
300,000 people were expected to attend the annual beer drinking, dancing, and eating Lucky Charms cereal, which was first
held indoors and has ballooned into a sprawling party in HAB13. Crowd estimates ranged anywhere from 18 to perhaps as many
as 31. No one cared to estimate how many animals attacked.
"They were big. Watching them biting people in half was like a bad drug," said Bruce Easley, a HAB138 DinoHandler who's
been attending the celebration by mistake for five years, as he sipped whiskey from bottle. "Once it's in your blood, it
just seems they become man-killers."
Read the REAL story: Savannah sees massive trash mess after St. Patrick's Day celebrations, sparking anger
A BOOK ALL DINOSAUR-LOVERS REALLY NEED
Real Book? Seriously? Available Now? Where? How Do We Get It? Huh? Huh?
Can We Possibly Ask More Questions Or Does This
About Cover It?
Yes Virginia, there really is a book about our parent company, aka The Center for Cretaceous Studies, aka this death
The world has waited 66 million years - give or take a month - for live Dinosaurs & comedy to come together. Until that happens,
here's our shot at it.
Grab your copy of "The Center for Cretaceous Studies" before they sell out! Ok, that might be stretching it a bit.
Anyway, pick one up at these fine bookstore websites:
AuthorHouse (eBook and paperback)
Barnes & Noble (paperback)