The Center for Cretaceous Studies and most likely the world's ONLY
Live Dinosaur Reserve & Theme Park
|WE DON'T WANT TO SAY IT'S HOT HERE, BUT...
|'Steam' Rises From Raptor River As It Flows To Lake Death
PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY
even though they asked us to go away
Look For The Center On Facebook!
why? for what sane reason would you do that?
|People for the Ethical Treatment Of Dinosaurs. Charter Member Since We Joined Last Week
to the official CRETACEOUSLAND! website
you poor misguided soul!
You've just discovered the only LIVE Dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet!
What can you expect to find while you're here - besides your worst nightmares
coming true? Let's start with terrible lizards that can and will tear you, your family, your friends, and people you don't
even know, to shreds with no hesitation whatsoever with a devastation so severe it will actually hurt your ancestors.
But don't worry... you can still see them, pet them, run from them, etc.
As the world's only live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND! is located just a quick
ambulance ride from our parent company The Center for Cretaceous Studies. In fact,
we fight over the same parking spots.
So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths
(+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA.
We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.
We'll give you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats (HABs) as they originally, naturally
appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives you an excellent chance
to contract some heretofore unknown and probably incurable prehistoric disease or allergy!
See? It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?
Take a moment or three to see what's in store for you and your family this summer when you resign yourself into visiting CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.
Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!
site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below,
is updated every time we have a reporter who survives another week in this death trap!
We think you'll agree with that one guy who nearly made it out of here alive:
A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!
|CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG
|Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here
THE CRETACEOUSLAND! NEWSUNDIES, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?
On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 23 JULY 2016
RUSSIAN CLAIMS NEW 'ROUND-THE HABITATS' RECORD
Previous Record Just By Getting Out Alive
An exhausted 56-year-old Russian balloon-maker crawled to safety in the Outback area of Cretaceousland! today after claiming
a new world record by going solo around the Cretaceousland! Habitats nonstop in 11 days, a Cretaceousland! official said.
The official did not accompany the record-breaker in his attempt.
Fedora Konkyudahed landed 160 meters (10 miles, give or take) east of the emergency exits from Habitat 133, where he started
his journey by mistake on July 12, HAB133 Supervisor Hugh Kiddinme said.
"He got out, he's safe, he's somewhat sound, he's happy to be out of it and only lost a couple appendages," Kiddinme
said from The Landing Site, a nearby bar. "It's just amazing. Another beer, please."
"Yeah, it's fantastic — the record's broken, everyone's safe. It's all good. Now where's that beer?" he added.
Konkyudahed demonstrated no precision navigation during his 56-meter (18-acre) - fall over a cliff inside HAB133 which started
American businessman Stevie Fottess also started from HAB133 to attempt a record but the rules state that you must come out
alive. He didn't.
Konkyudahed, a Russian Orthodox bricklayer, took a longer route and roughly 11 days and 6 hours to complete the circumnavigation.
It the first known completion.
Rescue crews in six Life-Flight helicopters followed Konkyudahed to guide him to the emergency exits.
His journey of more than 34,000 meters (21,100 metric tons) took him through every Habitat here at Cretaceousland!, where
everything from bird-size to house-size DinoResidents live.
"Yeah, I got lost," Konkyudahed said. His fall from the cliff inside HAB133 also broke a record - and his collarbone.
During his escape attempts from inside various HABs Konkyudahed aimed to get four hours of sleep a day in naps of 30 or 40
minutes between hours of checking for approaching DinoResidents and maintaining any sanity he had left.
He emerged from HAB133 with a bloodied mouth from biting his lip after being struck in the face with the emergency gate, but
other than the loss of an arm and partial left leg, he was uninjured.
The Swiss-based World Dinosaur Habitat=Walking Federation did not immediately respond to a request for confirmation of the
new record. In fact, we're pretty sure such a federation doesn't exist.
As for Konkyudahed, he's going back to Russia to make more balloons. Cretaceousland! officials are deciding what to charge
him for overstaying his Day Ticket admission fee. We hope he has a sponsor. Look for his name soon on Go Fund Me.
Read the REAL story: Russian balloonist claims new round the world record
SELFLESS BOOK PROMOTION!!! WoO-hOo!!!
Real Book? Seriously? Available Now? Where? Huh? Can We Possibly Ask More Questions?
Yes Virginia, there really is a book about our parent company, aka this death trap!
The world has waited 66 million years - give or take a month - for live Dinosaurs & comedy to come together. Until that happens,
here's our shot at it.
Grab your copy of "The Center for Cretaceous Studies" before they sell out! Ok, that might be stretching it a bit.
Anyway, pick one up at these fine bookstores:
AuthorHouse (eBook and paperback)
Barnes & Noble (paperback)