The Center for Cretaceous Studies
and most likely the world's ONLY
Live Dinosaur Reserve & Theme Park
|THIS ISN'T WHAT THE GUYS AT LAKE DEATH LIKE TO SEE
|Supervisor Sandy Towes: "They LOVE To Frolic In The Sand." We Hope She Means The Employees.
PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY
even though they asked us to go away
the official CRETACEOUSLAND! website you poor misguided soul.!
You've just discovered the only LIVE Dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet!
Right here you can overload your senses -- and probably your underwear -- all the while seeing real, live, breathing, roaring,
ferocious, meat-eating, ravenous, killer Dinosaurs in the great outdoors!
You'll experience Terrible Lizards that will tear you, your family, your friends, and people you don't even know, to shreds
with no hesitation whatsoever with a devastation so severe it will actually hurt your ancestors. But don't worry...
you can still pet them!
As the world's only live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND! is located only a quick
ambulance ride from The Center for Cretaceous Studies. In fact, we fight over the
same parking spots.
So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths
(+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA.
We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.
In the meantime, we've allowed you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats as they originally
and naturally appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives you an excellent
chance to contract some heretofore unknown and incurable prehistoric disease or allergy! See? It just keeps getting better
and better, doesn't it?
Take a moment or three and see what's in store for you and your family this summer when you resign yourself into visiting
CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.
Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!
site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below,
is updated every few days during the season!
We think you'll agree with that one guy who made it out of here alive:
A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!
|CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG
|Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here
THE CRETACEOUSLAND! UNDIES, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda-Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?
On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 21 JULY 2014
NEW RULES AT C4CS INT'L AIRPORT WILL REALLY SCREW THINGS UP
We Thought We Couldn't Screw It Up Worse Than What It Already Is!
Air travel is getting more expensive. Well, not so much the air travel as much as the air arrival. Starting today,
the Security Transportation Department (STD) at The Center's Int'l (Interdenominational) Airport is raising the mandatory
break time put into place after Sept. 11, 2009. The Center's Int'l Airport isn’t just raising it, it’s more
than doubling the amount -- and redefining the definition of a break time.
The new break time raises each break to at least 25 minutes and puts no cap on the total number of breaks employees can take
based on how tired they are from running or how wounded they are from not running fast enough. Any employee's limb that has
a connection with enough employee remaining to attach it to will get an extra 5 minute break. For example, if you've landed
and your baggage handler is being eaten, we doubt very much you're going to be too concerned about your baggage. But your
baggage handler may be taking a 30 minute break and that's not good news for you because now you have to hang around an airport
with a man-eating DinoResident.
Business travelers who fly non-stop routes - that is, they are shoved out of the plane while it comes "close" to landing -
will see the biggest impact. Business travelers are already being pounded into the tarmac from as high as 25 feet. This will
simply add to their burden.
Budget travelers will also feel the pinch. Many travelers, in search of the least amount of time spent at C4CS Int'l, endure
multiple costs and long waits to save a few dollars and their necks. They will be hit by this increase in break times resulting
in waiting times that can be five times longer than previously seen.
The biggest issue tied to this latest break time comes down to the definition of a how bad do you want to see a live Dinosaur.
The STD is redefining it based on an arbitrary break time of four hours on a domestic shift of 8 hours in an airport with
live, carnivorous, 6-inch toothed, 8-ton animals. These breaks will be now be considered a separate adventure of your trip,
and you’ll be hit with an extra amount of time waiting for your luggage. This has many travelers wondering if the STD
has the right to change the definition of a 15-minute break when there are numerous times when no one is breathing after the
current break times.
Others are upset about how this increase is actually going to be used. If you think the new break time is going to make air
travel safer, think again. The last plane to land successfully - and by 'successfully' we mean not eaten - was in the mid
1990s. No one has ever been able to fly out of here. Ever.
Some tips to reduce how long you stay at the C4CS Int'l Airport: Don't come here.
Read the REAL story: http://www.foxnews.com/travel/2014/07/21/how-new-tsa-fee-hike-will-affect-travel-prices/?intcmp=latestnews
SEARCH & RESCUE PATCH TO BE A HAND-ME-DOWN
Argue That "Unlucky" Patch Has Never Been Eaten. Well, Not ALL Of It
When Search & Rescue (S&R) employees make the next "giant leap" by launching a rescue mission to any of Cretaceousland!s
live DinoResident Habitats, they will bring with them a memento from the first rescue mission attempt 35 and a half years
On Monday Cretaceousland! officials reported that a mission patch used by the ill-fated HAB11 S&R crew mates Lee L. Strongarm,
Biff Ahdren and Michelle Collings, carried to that great HAB in the sky, will be sewn onto a new rescue crew's jackets. The
jackets with the patches attached will be stored at the S&R employee lockers until the first crew is ready to jump into action
and try to rescue someone from a DinoResident attack. Hey, there's always a first time.
Cretaceousland! spokesman Audrey Marx presented the framed emblem to the gathered press inside C4CS Media Room 1 this morning,
at a press conference featuring maple frosted doughnuts, during a ceremony to rename the historic Men's Room outside HAB18
(home of the Tyrannosaurus rex family groups) for the late Lee L. Strongarm, the first man to step foot in a live DinoResident
Habitat on purpose. Ahdren and Collings will be remembered in a solemn salute by a flyover of CFI Care's Life-Flight helicopter.
"At Cretaceousland!, we're working on the next giant leap – a rescue mission to anyone, any place, any time, standing
on the shoulders of former employees Strongarm, Caldren and.. uh.. what's-her-name," CEO and founder Dr. S Beckmann said
in a long-winded speech marking the 35th and a half anniversary of the rescue attempt. "In the spirit of this brave crew,
we look forward to a new generation of crews, stupid enou.. er, brave enough to rescue those in peril and in harms way."
"Carried to the hospital aboard Life-Flight chopper 12," was inscribed across the top of the patch by the (back then)
living Strongarm. "Presented to the next S&R crew."
After the emblem's presentation on Monday, the Center's Sewing Department plans to place the patch on three new suits immediately.
The inscription has somewhat faded over the years, but no one really cares because it's probably going to be eaten.
Read the REAL story: http://www.foxnews.com/science/2014/07/21/apollo-11-patch-flown-on-1st-moon-landing-to-launch-with-astronauts-to-mars/?intcmp=latestnews
DINO FAN CONVENTION, AUGUST 2nd - PHOENIX, ARIZONA
Phoenix, Arizona is gonna be home to a Dinosaur convention this August! Check out the release below for more details:
PHOENIX, Ariz. (August 2, 2014) — From lively debates about blockbusters like “Jurassic Park” and “Godzilla,”
to nostalgic jabs at the “Mighty Morphin Power Rangers” and “The Land Before Time,” Arizona’s
original dinosaur fan convention Phoenix DinoCon devours movie and TV dinosaurs from 3 p.m. – 9 p.m. on Saturday, August
2 at the Phoenix Center for the Arts (1202 N 3rd St, Phoenix, AZ 85004).
Nationally unique within the fan event landscape in subject and scope, this 2nd annual dinosaur and kaiju party is suitable
for ages 12 and above, but geared toward adults with an everlasting love for dinos. Phoenix DinoCon gives fans a chance to
interact with pop culture experts, learn reptilian crafts, purchase locally-produced dinosaur art and even vote a legendary
pop culture icon into the Bookmans and Phoenix DinoCon Hall of Distinguished Dinosaurs.
The convention’s extensive “Jurassic Park” and “Jurassic World” related programming provides
a first-hand account of the original movie’s T.rex — from concept to life-sized, working model — by Sedona
resident, sculptor and special effects artist Michael Trcic in the Phoenix DinoCon Tyrannosaurus Theater.
In addition to panels focused on “Godzilla” and “Pacific Rim,” Phoenix Dinocon explores appearances
of dinosaurs in steampunk and tabletop games. Geologist Melanie Dolberg pits Hollywood dinosaurs against their scientific
counterparts and FilmBar’s Andrea Beesley heads a dinosaur-themed spin-off of her annual Phoenix Comicon signature event,
the first-ever Phoenix Ultimate Geek Smackdown: Turbo Dinosaur Edition.
New this year to Phoenix DinoCon is the Diplodocus Demo Den, where fans gain hands-on drawing and crafting experiences like
a special make-and-take opportunity: DIY mini-notebooks featuring the hunks of the “Jurassic Park” franchise,
depicted in Tiger Beat likenesses.
A Velociraptor Vendor Hall roars through the day with dinosaur-inspired local artists, crafters and business owners. Returning
this year are Jon Garza and Damien Hernandez, who make dream dinosaur scenarios a reality on location with pencil and watercolor
(think Ron Swansonasaurus or your pet Chihuahuas as dueling sauropods.)
Admission is $5 at phxdinocon.brownpapertickets.com or at the door on August 2 upon availability. After-party tickets to a
screening of the ‘90s B movie “Adventures in Dinosaur City” are available for $9 at thefilmbarphx.com/event/619291-adventures-in-dinosaur-city-phoenix.
For more information on the 2nd annual Phoenix DinoCon, please visit phxdinocon.com.
Phoenix Dinocon, Arizona’s original pop culture dinosaur convention, is organized by a group of Phoenix, Ariz. based
dinosaur enthusiasts who provide fans, artists, crafters and local businesses an outlet to celebrate dinosaur and kaiju pop
culture. Since 2013, Phoenix DinoCon champions opportunities for local artists, supports as many locally owned businesses
as possible, and relishes the thrill of dinosaur-related movies, TV and literature. Phoenix DinoCon is the only event of its
intensity in the nation, combining panels, demos and vendors laser-focused on pop culture dinosaurs, financially independent
from museum or paleontology organizations. Partners for the 2014 Phoenix DinoCon event include Downtown Phoenix Inc., Roosevelt
Row CDC, Bookmans and FilmBar. For more information on Phoenix DinoCon, please email firstname.lastname@example.org or visit phxdinocon.com.