The Center for Cretaceous Studies and most likely the world's ONLY
Live Dinosaur Reserve & Theme Park
|OH CrAP. NOT PARKING LOT 4 AGAIN!
|It's Only Been 15 Minutes Since We Cleaned Up The LAST Mess She Made.
PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY
even though they asked us to go away
Look For The Center On Facebook!
why? for what sane reason would you do that?
|People for the Ethical Treatment Of Dinosaurs. Charter Member Since We Joined Last Week
to the official CRETACEOUSLAND! website
you poor misguided soul!
You've just discovered the only LIVE Dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet!
What can you expect to find while you're here - besides your worst nightmares
coming true? Let's start with terrible lizards that can and will tear you, your family, your friends, and people you don't
even know, to shreds with no hesitation whatsoever with a devastation so severe it will actually hurt your ancestors.
But don't worry... you can still see them, pet them, run from them, etc.
As the world's only live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND! is located just a quick
ambulance ride from our parent company The Center for Cretaceous Studies. In fact,
we fight over the same parking spots.
So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths
(+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA.
We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.
We'll give you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats (HABs) as they originally, naturally
appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives you an excellent chance
to contract some heretofore unknown and probably incurable prehistoric disease or allergy!
See? It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?
Take a moment or three to see what's in store for you and your family this summer when you resign yourself into visiting CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.
Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!
site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below,
is updated every time we have a reporter who survives another week in this death trap!
We think you'll agree with that one guy who nearly made it out of here alive:
A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!
|CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG
|Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here
THE CRETACEOUSLAND! NEWSUNDIES, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?
On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 13 AUGUST 2016
TOURIST "SORTA" SAFE AFTER 3-DAY RESCUE FROM DINO HABITAT
Doctors Give Him -30% Chance Of Making It
Cretaceousland!s Search & Rescue team says it has actually rescued an injured French tourist after a three-day rescue operation
that required 50 controlled mini-detonations to scare off or at least distract "a lot" of 7-ton Bahariasaurus ingens
inside Habitat (HAB)28.
S&R Supervisor Luke E. Dayer says the 37-year-old man was part of a group exploring the HAB in the northern part of Cretaceousland!
on Wednesday when aBahariasaur saw him, immobilizing him with injuries to his back and stomach as he tried to get away.
Rescue specialists (wait. we have those?!?) needed to make the controlled mini-detonations at different points in the
HAB so they could carry the wounded tourist out on at least 2 stretchers from 650 feet away from an emergency exit.
Dayer said at this morning's press conference (featuring double chocolate doughnuts) the rescue was "somehow safely completed"
early this morning. The tourist was treated at the site and then transported to CFI Care. At this time it's unknown where
the other parts of him were sent.
Read the REAL story: Spain: Injured spelunker safe after 3-day rescue from cave
'BEAM OF LIGHT' LEADS TOURISTS TO AFTERLIFE
Recommend NOT Going Into Live Dinosaur Habitats At Or Near Sunset
Countless tourists have watched beautiful Cretaceousland! sunsets — but not many have made it to the morning. Ronnie
Watslund and Mark Louvers, visitors from Texas, discovered this during a stroll along an old path inside Habitat (HAB)88 this
past week, the Cretaceousland! Coroner's Department reports.
"For some reason there is a beam of light — just a beam," Watslund said as he recorded his last moments on Earth
via cellphone. "It's right on one of them big animals up ahead and for some reason I just turned my head." They ended
up finding 10 more 'big animals', stretching over more than 60 feet in length, and Cretaceousland! Recovery Teams have now
found most of Watslund and Louvers.
The find was soon covered once again by yellow Caution! tape, but Cretaceousland! Search & Rescue teams are working to document
They say others may have seen the DinoResidents first, but it was new to them (Watslund and Louvers) and represents a significant
and possibly unique find. "What's interesting is the sun is always setting on someone around here, but this is the first
one in over a week with someone recording their own doom," says Cretaceousland! Coroner Barry M. Diep.
He notes that DinoResidents in this particular Habitat have teeth that are nearly a foot long, but these bites are a "pretty
impressive" with 4 to 5 feet stomping on the tourists, furthering their LOL (Loss Of Life) status.
Read The REAL Story: 'Beam of light' leads couple to centuries-old art in Hawaii
A BOOK ALL DINOSAUR-LOVERS REALLY NEED
Real Book? Seriously? Available Now? Where? How Do We Get It? Huh? Huh?
Can We Possibly Ask More Questions Or Does This
About Cover It?
Yes Virginia, there really is a book about our parent company, aka The Center for Cretaceous Studies, aka this death
The world has waited 66 million years - give or take a month - for live Dinosaurs & comedy to come together. Until that happens,
here's our shot at it.
Grab your copy of "The Center for Cretaceous Studies" before they sell out! Ok, that might be stretching it a bit.
Anyway, pick one up at these fine bookstore websites:
AuthorHouse (eBook and paperback)
Barnes & Noble (paperback)