The Center for Cretaceous Studies and most likely the world's ONLY
Live Dinosaur Reserve & Theme Park
|NO ONE GETS TO SLOW DOWN AND ENJOY THE SCENERY
|For Some Reason They LOVE To Chase People Biking Along Lake Death Shorelines
PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY
even though they asked us to go away
Look For The Center On Facebook!
why? for what sane reason would you do that?
|People for the Ethical Treatment Of Dinosaurs. Charter Member Since We Joined Last Week
to the official CRETACEOUSLAND! website
you poor misguided soul!
You've just discovered the only LIVE Dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet!
With the DinoResidents back for another summer season, here's what you can
expect: overloaded senses, ditto the underwear -- plus a lot of ambulances... a LOT. All the while running around and
from real, live, breathing, roaring, ferocious, carnivourus, ravenous, killer Dinosaurs inside pretty, flower-filled, outdoor
Habitats filled with lovely butterflies and wonderful, chirping birdies!
You'll experience Terrible Lizards that will tear you, your family, your friends, and people you don't even know to shreds
with no hesitation whatsoever with a devastation so severe it will actually hurt your ancestors. But don't worry...
you can still pet them!
As the world's only live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND! is located just a quick
ambulance ride from The Center for Cretaceous Studies. In fact, we fight over the
same parking spots.
So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths
(+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA.
We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.
We'll give you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats (HABs) as they originally, naturally
appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives you an excellent chance
to contract some heretofore unknown and probably incurable prehistoric disease or allergy! See? It just keeps getting better
and better, doesn't it?
Take a moment or three to see what's in store for you and your family this summer when you resign yourself into visiting CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.
Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!
site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below,
is updated every time we have a reporter who survives another day here during the season!
We think you'll agree with that one guy who made it out of here alive:
A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!
|CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG
|Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here
THE CRETACEOUSLAND! NEWSUNDIES, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?
On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 6 OCTOBER 2015
OVER 6000 DINORESIDENTS TO BE RELEASED
Like A 'Normal' DinoMove To Us
The Cretaceousland! Department Of Releases will release some 6,000 animals from Cretaceousland! Habitats (HABs) beginning
at the end of the day, Friday, October 23, as part of new guidelines to get rid of these man-eating animals as established
last Spring, a Cretaceousland! Release Department enforcement official confirmed today.
The new guidelines from C4CS DinoMove Commission, which are intended to reduce fatalities during the DinoMove, also applies
to any future DinoMoves. No one believes for a second that they'll work.
The C4CS DinoMove Commission decided in July 2015 that close to 50,000 wounded or barely fatal wounded employees would be
eligible for reduced medical care. The new guidelines took effect June 2015. Wow! Those guys work FAST!
The timeframe for release by Cretaceousland! will be whenever volunteers 'think' they are ready. The Commission was giving
3:1 odds that most DinoMove volunteers would need one year to prepare for the release of these prehistoric animals, which
will be one of the largest one-time releases of DinoResidents ever, according to a Dinosaur release official.
While “a majority” of the species granted release will not try to eat the volunteers, approximately one-third
will and could face possible deportation, according to an official who would not define what "deportation" meant since
all the animals are headed for Indoor Paddocks (IPs) at The Center anyway.
The individuals released on the 23rd, 24th, and 25th of this month will also face a normal probationary period and supervised
release. In other words, IP employees will make sure the DinoResidents aren't eating IP employees.
Under the new guidelines, species who were deemed eligible under the new rules could be released early, according to a Cretaceousland!
Each case was then reviewed by the C4CS Board of Director (we only have one following Monday's Board of Directors vs. Bahariasaurus
ingenues "incident") in order to determine whether it would be beneficial to public safety to grant the animal early release.
“Even with the Commission’s reductions, all DinoResidents will have been released sometime during the weekend.
Moreover, these reductions are not automatic,” C4CS Security Chief Barb Dwyer said in a statement. “Under
the Commission's directive, DinoMove Supervisors are required to carefully consider public safety in deciding whether to release
any man-eating species early."
The "early" everyone keeps mentioning would only be a few hours to perhaps a day early from their normally scheduled release
from Cretaceousland! to The Center. The C4CS Board of Director reminds all employees that we are still a few thousand volunteers
short for the 2015 Fall DinoMove.
Read the REAL story: Justice Department to release 6,000 inmates from federal prisons beginning Oct. 30
2015 FALL DINOMOVE VOLUNTEER SHEETS AVAILABLE!
Line Stretches From... Well, We'll Let You Know WHEN There Is A Line
FRIDAY EVENING, OCTOBER 23, 6:00PM! A sure sign that Fall is in the air and hospitals are in your future: Sign-up sheets for
the 2015 Fall DinoMove can be found on the bulletin board outside C4CS Employee Cafeteria 2.
FINALLY we are getting rid of the mangy beasts starting Friday evening, October 23 and continuing (if we can keep shoving
in volunteers) through Sunday afternoon, October 25!
As always, early volunteers get their choice of species to 'guide' from outdoor Habitats (HABs) here at Cretaceousland! back
to their Indoor Paddocks (IPs) at The Center. Once again, we ask all volunteers to meet at 5:30pm Friday night, October 23rd,
behind Building F and also remind everyone to PLEASE bring Next Of Kin information with you! As always there will be free
blood transfusions until 9:00pm, thanks to our friends at CFI Care.
Anyone interested in volunteering - or volunteering someone you don't like - for the 2015 Fall DinoMove should sign up NOW
on the sheets posted on the bulletin board outside C4CS Employee Cafeteria 2. Thank You!