The Center for Cretaceous Studies
and most likely the world's ONLY
Live Dinosaur Reserve & Theme Park
|THIS OUGHTA BE GOOD. THEY HATE PEOPLE PARKING HERE
|Day 6: New Recruits Try Their Skills At Parallel Parking
PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY
even though they asked us to go away
the official CRETACEOUSLAND! website you poor misguided soul.!
You've just discovered the only LIVE dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet! You're also going to discover
that you MISSED the DinoResidents! Nice timing, pal! The animals have been moved back to the Center for Cretaceous Studies
and the warm Indoor Paddocks for the winter!
During the summer season (you know... the season when we have Dinosaurs here?) you can overload your senses -- and
probably your underwear -- while seeing real, live, breathing, roaring, ferocious, meat-eating, ravenous, killer Dinosaurs
You'll experience Terrible Lizards that will tear you, your family, your friends, and people you don't even know, to shreds
with no hesitation whatsoever with a devastation so severe it will actually hurt your ancestors. But don't worry...
you can still pet them!
As the world's only live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND! is located only a quick
ambulance ride from The Center for Cretaceous Studies. In fact, we fight over the
same parking spots.
So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths
(+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA.
We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.
In the meantime, we've allowed you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats as they originally
and naturally appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives you an excellent
chance to contract some heretofore unknown and incurable prehistoric disease or allergy! See? It just keeps getting better
and better, doesn't it?
Take a moment or three and see what's in store for you and your family next summer when you resign yourself into visiting
CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.
Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!
site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below,
is updated every once in a while during our off-season!
We think you'll agree with the one guy who made it out of here alive:
A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!
|CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG
|Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here
THE CRETACEOUSLAND! UNDERPANTS, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda-Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?
On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 6 MARCH 2014
FACULTY PROTESTS CEO AS COMMENCEMENT SPEAKER
Year In A Row
Cretaceousland! front office, Habitat, and groundskeeper personnel are crying foul over the decision to invite CEO and founder
Dr. S Beckmann to speak at this year's Opening Day ceremony on 1 May (MAYDAY!).
Leaders of the Let's Get Someone Better Council passed a resolution today calling on Cretaceousland! to rescind its invitation
to Dr. Beckmann, who will receive polite applause and an honorary lapel pin for the speech.
The resolution said Cretaceousland! should not have Dr. Beckmann speak because of his role in the decision to move the DinoResidents
back here in spring and the C4CS administration’s policy of "get them out of here, ASAP," the report said.
"Dr. Beckmann... plays a prominent role in the administration’s effort to bring the Dinosaurs back here to Cretaceousland!
for the summer, which causes mass destruction," the faculty resolution said.
"Do the positive aspects of his personal hygiene really outweigh the destruction of employee's lives that he contributed
to after those killing machines are back here? Besides, we'd rather listen to his girlfriend," said a Cretaceousland!
employee who didn't want to be identified - but looked an awful lot like HAB38 DinoFeeder Jay Walker.
Dr. Beckmann's girlfriend, Hollywood TV and movie actress Anita D'Groyne could not be reached for comment.
HAB44 Supervisor Stan Wayback criticized the Let's Get Someone Better Council for protesting the CEO's selection, calling
the protest "appalling and an embarrassment to Cretaceousland!." He also noted that Dr. Beckmann signs their paychecks,
which is probably a good reason why this annual protest never attains the desired results.
"This is nothing more than a firestorm fueled by their hatred of having to spend another season with animals that will
probably eat them, the slower-running ones in particular. Dr. Beckmann and the people attending on Opening Day deserve better,"
Walker - er, some guy -said in Parking Lot 4 moments before getting hit by a car.
Audrey Marx, Cretaceousland!s spokesman, told a gathering crowd who thought she had something interesting to announce, instead
said, "Dr. Beckmann is a highly accomplished and respected... well, he's highly accomplished anyway. We are excited that
he has agreed to address our ceremony and guests at the Opening Day commencement."
Read the REAL story: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2014/03/06/rutgers-faculty-protest-condoleezza-rice-as-commencement-speaker/?intcmp=latestnews