The Center for Cretaceous Studies and most likely the world's ONLY
Live Dinosaur Reserve & Theme Park
|SEARCH FOR ESCAPED, RARE KOREAN DINOSAUR CONTINUES
|And O'Leary!? Get That Raptor Out Of Your Pants!
PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY
even though they asked us to go away
Look For The Center On Facebook!
why? for what sane reason would you do that?
|People for the Ethical Treatment Of Dinosaurs. Charter Member Since We Joined Last Week
WELCOME to the official CRETACEOUSLAND!
website you poor misguided soul!
You've just discovered the only LIVE Dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet! What can you expect to find
while you're here - besides your worst nightmares coming true?
Well, uh, guess that pretty much sums it up.
Hey, we tried to keep them (the DinoResidents) over at The Center for Cretaceous Studies, but they moved 'em all back here anyway.
Yep, now you can once again - or just once - enjoy terrible lizards that can and will tear you, your family, your friends,
and people you don't even know, to shreds with no hesitation whatsoever with a devastation so severe it will actually
hurt your ancestors. But don't worry... you will still be able to pet them.
We have a LOT of ambulances standing by.
As the world's only outdoor, live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND! is located
just a quick ambulance ride from our parent company The Center for Cretaceous Studies.
In fact, we fight over the same parking spots.
So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths
(+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA.
We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.
We'll give you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats (HABs) as they originally, naturally
appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives you an excellent chance
to contract some heretofore unknown and probably incurable prehistoric disease or allergy!
See? It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?
Take a moment or three to see what's in store for you and your family next summer when you resign yourself into visiting CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.
Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!
site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below,
is updated every time we have a reporter who survives another week in this death trap!
We think you'll agree with that one guy who nearly made it out of here alive:
A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!
|CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG
|Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here
THE CRETACEOUSLAND! NEWSUNDIES, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?
On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 25 JUNE 2017
DRAMATIC VIDEO SHOWS TEEN BEING EATEN AFTER FALLING FROM RIDE
"She Only Fell 2 Feet" Say Witnesses. "The Tyrannosaur Did Her In."
A 14-year-old girl visiting from Delaware survived a 2-foot fall from a stopped gondola ride at Habitat 18 Saturday afternoon.
Unfortunately, she was still on the ground when a pair of juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex burst from nearby bushes and quickly
added her to the long, long, LONG list of tourists who never made it out of here this season.
The unidentified teenager was riding on the “Sky Ride To Death” over HAB 18 just after 2 p.m. Saturday.
It's common knowledge that the ride dips to it's lowest point in the mile-long ride at this point. The tyrannosaurs gather
daily to eat, according to several HAB18 employees.
Cretaceousland! authorities said the girl was riding the attraction with a relative and fell about 2 feet from a stationary
two-person car. These authorities also said they've been meaning to fix this spot since the 1960s. The ride was stopped by
an operator after word was received that there was free doughnuts in the break room.
Read the REAL story: Dramatic video shows teen falling from Six Flags ride
TOURISTS "PAY IT BACKWARD" 167 TIMES
Probably Lost $1.2 Million, Says Admission Dept.
On Thursday, a regular tourist at the SouthEast Gate, started a 167-guest "pay it backward" chain of 'good' deeds at
the drive-thru window.
“She saw a mom and dad in the van behind her … They had like four kids in the car,” SE Gate Admission
Cashier Bill N. Koynes said. “She was like, ‘Those guys behind me are paying for me, and I want you to tell
them thanks.’ And then she drove off.”
Upon hearing of the woman's deed, the next car then said the car behind him was paying for their admission, and each car kept
the process going.
“I had people telling me, ‘No it’s going to stop here, it’s going to stop at 100, you’re
not going to make it past,’” Koynes said. But, between 8:30 a.m. to noon, every car was supposedly paid by
the ones behind it.
“I saw the man in front of me talking to the cashier out in the rain, and I was wondering what was going on,”
said guest 105 on how he came to know about the acts of cheapness.
All total, 167 drivers "paid it backward" at the SE Gate that day. Many tourists never paid for parking or extra life
Only once did a tourist threaten to break the streak, but the Admission Gate staff pooled $27539.27 to keep it going, Admissions
supervisor Brad Kreddit said.
The chain of cheapness only ended when the gate closed for a 15-minute break.
“I was proud to experience the this act of cheapness under the guise of being kind to one another,” said
Kreddit, who noted this was the fourth time in his career where people were too cheap to pay for admission.
Read the REAL story: McDonald's customers in Indiana 'pay it forward' at drive-thru 167 times in a row
A BOOK ALL DINOSAUR-LOVERS REALLY NEED
Real Book? Seriously? Available Now? Where? How Do We Get It? Huh? Huh?
Can We Possibly Ask More Questions Or Does This
About Cover It?
Yes Virginia, there really is a book about our parent company, aka The Center for Cretaceous Studies, aka this death
The world has waited 66 million years - give or take a month - for live Dinosaurs & comedy to come together. Until that happens,
here's our shot at it.
Grab your copy of "The Center for Cretaceous Studies" before they sell out! Ok, that might be stretching it a bit.
Anyway, pick one up at these fine bookstore websites:
AuthorHouse (eBook and paperback)
Barnes & Noble (paperback)