The Center for Cretaceous Studies and most likely the world's ONLY
Live Dinosaur Reserve & Theme Park
|CREWS PREPARE FOR COMING FALL DINOMOVE
|It's Early, But They Can't Hit The Broadside Of A Barn
PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY
even though they asked us to go away
Look For The Center On Facebook!
why? for what sane reason would you do that?
|People for the Ethical Treatment Of Dinosaurs. Charter Member Since We Joined Last Week
WELCOME to the official CRETACEOUSLAND!
website you poor misguided soul!
You've just discovered the only LIVE Dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet! What can you expect to find
while you're here - besides your worst nightmares coming true? Come find out today!
The DinoResidents are back! As our employees say: Oh crap. They have been spending the Winter at The
Center for Cretaceous Studies but returned May first (aka: Opening Day or MAYDAY)!
As the world's only outdoor, live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND! is located
just a quick ambulance ride from our parent company The Center for Cretaceous Studies!
In fact, we fight over the same parking spots every day.
So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths
(+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA.
We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.
We'll give you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats (HABs) as they originally, naturally
appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives you an excellent chance
to contract some heretofore unknown and probably incurable prehistoric disease or allergy!
See? It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?
Take a moment or three to see what's in store for you and your family next summer when you resign yourself into visiting CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.
Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!
site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below,
is updated every time we have a reporter who survives another week in this death trap!
We think you'll agree with that one guy who nearly made it out of here alive:
A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!
|CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG
|Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here
THE CRETACEOUSLAND! NEWSUNDIES, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?
On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 10 SEPTEMBER 2019
FLORIDA WOMAN FACES LIFETIME BAN AFTER GETTING EATEN
Wouldn't Put Out That Cigarette, Even As The Animal Picked Her Off The Ground!" Says Horrified, Yet Matter-Of-Fact Visitor
A Florida woman is facing a lifetime ban from Cretaceousland! after allegedly becoming violent outside of the Habitat (HAB)18
gate because she couldn't find her cigarettes. The incident reportedly took place around 9 a.m. Thursday.
According to reports, 53-year-old Hellen McThousand, of Brandonville, Fla., was reported MPE (Missing, Presumed Eaten) then
charged with third-degree disorderly conduct inside a live DinoResident Habitat after she tried to slap a Cretaceousland!
official and kicked another at the gate.
The incident allegedly started when McThousand asked a Cretaceousland! gate official, who does not smoke, for a cigarette
outside of the Habitat. She became angry when he told her he did not have any cigarettes and that smoking inside Cretaceousland!
is not allowed. She began trying to slap him, several survivors, er, witnesses reported.
According to a police report, McThousand was slurring her words and smelled like cheap perfume. According to Cretaceousland!
Security reports, the 53-year-old walked into HAB 18 (home of our three Tyrannosaurus rex families) about 18.6 feet
before a juvenile T. rex ran up reportedly "gulped her right down" and was then charged with third-degree disorderly
conduct after the animal walked away from the stunned crowd. Most of the theropods are able to detect smoke from at least
4.27 miles away.
“She also verbally stated she was smoking multiple times while she was here. She demanded a cigarette multiple times
and stated she was going to speak to a Dinosaur until she got a cigarette,” one witness said.
“McThousand was yelling Dinosaur names and getting them all screwed up as multiple adults and children walked by,”
the official Cretaceousland! Security report said. McThousand was the 416th person listed MPE on Thursday morning. It was
a slow day.
Read the REAL story: Florida woman faces lifetime Disney World ban after getting into fight over cigarettes
A BOOK ALL DINOSAUR-LOVERS REALLY NEED
Real Book? Seriously? Available Now? Where? How Do We Get It? Huh? Huh?
Can We Possibly Ask More Questions Or Does This
About Cover It?
Yes Virginia, there really is a book about our parent company, aka The Center for Cretaceous Studies, aka this death
The world has waited 66 million years - give or take a month - for live Dinosaurs & comedy to come together. Until that happens,
here's our shot at it.
Grab your copy of "The Center for Cretaceous Studies" before they sell out! Ok, that might be stretching it a bit.
Anyway, pick one up at these fine bookstore websites:
AuthorHouse (eBook and paperback)
Barnes & Noble (paperback)