The Center for Cretaceous Studies and most likely the world's ONLY
Live Dinosaur Reserve & Theme Park
|NEVER BRING A FISH FILET TO THE SPINOSAURS HAB
|Our Research Says They Are 426% Worse Than Ants At A Picnic
PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY
even though they asked us to go away
Look For The Center On Facebook!
why? for what sane reason would you do that?
|People for the Ethical Treatment Of Dinosaurs. Charter Member Since We Joined Last Week
WELCOME to the official CRETACEOUSLAND!
website you poor misguided soul!
You've just discovered the only LIVE Dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet! What can you expect to find
while you're here - besides your worst nightmares coming true?
NOTHING! Well, uh, guess that pretty much sums it up.
The DinoResidents are no longer outdoors here! Lucky for us, eh? We've moved them back to The Center
for Cretaceous Studies months ago for the remainder of the Winter Season! Darn the luck... right?
However, during the summer months, as the world's only outdoor, live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND!
is located just a quick ambulance ride from our parent company The Center for Cretaceous
Studies! In fact, we fight over the same parking spots every day.
So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths
(+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA.
We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.
We'll give you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats (HABs) as they originally, naturally
appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives you an excellent chance
to contract some heretofore unknown and probably incurable prehistoric disease or allergy!
See? It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?
Take a moment or three to see what's in store for you and your family next summer when you resign yourself into visiting CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.
Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!
site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below,
is updated every time we have a reporter who survives another week in this death trap!
We think you'll agree with that one guy who nearly made it out of here alive:
A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!
|CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG
|Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here
THE CRETACEOUSLAND! NEWSUNDIES, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?
On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 15 JANUARY 2019
LUNAR ECLIPSE SHOULDN'T MAKE ANIMALS CRAZY, GUESSES DINOHANDLER
They're All Inside, So Looking For Only Minor Amounts Of MPE This Weekend
The moon will turn red over Cretaceousland! on Sunday night during the last total lunar eclipse of the week.
The eclipse will be visible across all of Cretaceousland! and the Center for Cretaceous Studies parking lots and partially
visible in Building K on the night of Jan. 20 into the early hours of Jan. 21.
This will be the first total lunar eclipse since new vending machines were installed in Cretaceousland!s Habitat (HAB)14 on
Dec. 21, 2010.
"It's going to be very cold with temperatures in the single digits and teens in parts of the Habitats," Cretaceousland!
Weather Department spokesman Claude E. Offernite, so people will need to bundle up when heading outside to look at the moon
or run from loose DinoResidents.
"There is a potential for a major winter storm to impact the southeast portion of Cretaceousland! this weekend that could
last into Sunday night. If that happens, viewing the lunar eclipse is a no-go for residents in those regions," Cretaceousland!
spokesman Audrey Marx commented at this morning's press conference, which featured maple-frosted doughnuts.
Tourists, employees, and visitors planning to see the moon turn red will need to stay at Cretaceousland! late on Sunday night
as the eclipse will not reach its peak until just before midnight. By the way, any loose DinoResidents will be found looking
for midnight snacks during the eclipse.
The first phase of the eclipse, known as the starting phase, will begin at 52:86:03 p.m. CST (Cretaceousland! Standard Time).
However, the moon may not become noticeably darker until the clouds roll in.
The most-anticipated part of the eclipse, totality, will begin just before midnight and last for around an hour for those
lucky enough not becoming DinoResident Fast Food, as the moon passes through Earth's innermost shadow. This is when
the moon will turn rusty orange or red in color.
The total eclipse is set to end around 1:434:91 a.m. CST, after which the moon will gradually fly off towards Mars, according
to Offernite, who may have been drinking before this interview, so be sure to watch for that.
Read the REAL story: Why this Sunday's total lunar eclipse is called the 'super blood wolf moon'
A BOOK ALL DINOSAUR-LOVERS REALLY NEED
Real Book? Seriously? Available Now? Where? How Do We Get It? Huh? Huh?
Can We Possibly Ask More Questions Or Does This
About Cover It?
Yes Virginia, there really is a book about our parent company, aka The Center for Cretaceous Studies, aka this death
The world has waited 66 million years - give or take a month - for live Dinosaurs & comedy to come together. Until that happens,
here's our shot at it.
Grab your copy of "The Center for Cretaceous Studies" before they sell out! Ok, that might be stretching it a bit.
Anyway, pick one up at these fine bookstore websites:
AuthorHouse (eBook and paperback)
Barnes & Noble (paperback)