The Center for Cretaceous Studies and most likely the world's ONLY
Live Dinosaur Reserve & Theme Park
|DID Y'KNOW RAPTORS HUNT AT NIGHT? HMMM???
|And They Are Attracted By Noise, So You're 2-For-2, Pal!
PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY
even though they asked us to go away
Look For The Center On Facebook!
why? for what sane reason would you do that?
|People for the Ethical Treatment Of Dinosaurs. Charter Member Since We Joined Last Week
WELCOME to the official CRETACEOUSLAND!
website you poor misguided soul!
You've just discovered the only LIVE Dinosaur reserve and theme park on the entire planet! What can you expect to find
while you're here - besides your worst nightmares coming true? Come find out today!
The DinoResidents are back! As our employees say: Oh crap. They have been spending the Winter at The
Center for Cretaceous Studies but returned May first (aka: Opening Day or MAYDAY)!
As the world's only outdoor, live DinoReserve, CRETACEOUSLAND! is located
just a quick ambulance ride from our parent company The Center for Cretaceous Studies!
In fact, we fight over the same parking spots every day.
So detailed and exact in the presentation of natural Cretaceous Period conditions, our scientists have gone to great lengths
(+/-2 centimeters) to raise the same vegetation found dozens of millions of years ago -- much to the chagrin of the U.S. EPA.
We've been in court over most of this stuff for decades.
We'll give you the opportunity to see Cretaceous Period flora and fauna in outdoor Habitats (HABs) as they originally, naturally
appeared 65+ MA (Million Years Ago), or BA as we call it (Before Asteroid). This also gives you an excellent chance
to contract some heretofore unknown and probably incurable prehistoric disease or allergy!
See? It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?
Take a moment or three to see what's in store for you and your family next summer when you resign yourself into visiting CRETACEOUSLAND! as a last ditch vacation idea, which it usually is.
Educational? Nope. Fun? Nah. Good value for the money? No way.
None of these apply here. But odds are, you'll never get to, er... want to... leave!
site for future news and information, as the CRETACEOUSLAND! company information (aka: water cooler rumors), found below,
is updated every time we have a reporter who survives another week in this death trap!
We think you'll agree with that one guy who nearly made it out of here alive:
A day at CRETACEOUSLAND! is like no other!
|CEO & FOUNDER JUST BEFORE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE DIG
|Booted From Hundreds Of Sites Hasn't Stopped Him From Screwing Up Around Here
THE CRETACEOUSLAND! NEWSUNDIES, er, NEWSBRIEFS
The Latest And Sorta-Kinda Up To Date Information On Who...What...Where...When...And Why ME?
On All Things CRETACEOUSLAND!
LAST UPDATED 3 JUNE 2019
TOURISTS LOL AFTER TRYING TO FEED DINORESIDENT
Says "Do Not Feed The Animals" Notes Kind Of Saddened Employee
A group of tourists were reported LOL (Loss Of Life) after they threw food into a DinoResident enclosure last week. The problem
was: they were in the enclosure also.
Otto Reykall, Cretaceousland! Motor Pool employee, became ill Thursday afternoon “after watching park guests throw
food into the enclosure, the DinoResident attacked until I could not tolerate it,” according to Cretaceousland!
spokesman Audrey Marx. What happened in the next few moments was described by Reykall as "Eh. Your typical day here at
Cretaceousland!. People taunt a carnivore. People gonna get ate. Pretty simple conclusion."
Spokesman Marx noted that Security officials found grapes in the enclosure, though it’s unclear if the DinoResident
in question looked at the grapes or something else while consuming what is thought to be somewhere between 4 to 33 tourists
- but closer to 47 than 4.
“Otto exhibited initially what we thought were stress issues,” Marx told the news media gathered in Media
Room 1 for double chocolate doughnuts. “He wasn’t real steady on his feet and his condition didn’t improve
for quite a while, so it was time to make sure all is well and that Otto would be okay.” The Cretaceousland! Motor
Pool Supervisor, Brent Fender, reported that Reykall was on a smoke break when he witnessed the attack. The Motor Pool garage
overlooks Habitat 49, where the DinoAlert! was issued.
The DinoResident, a Gorgosaurus libratus was taken to the C4CS Animal Hospital Thursday afternoon suffering from over-eating,
but was released (ok, "escaped") later that day.
“We're deeply saddened to announce that some of our visitors did not make it. The exact cause of death isn't known,
but a guess will be performed to find out,” the official Cretaceousland! statement read.
Otto reportedly arrived at his fourth day of working at Cretaceousland! Thursday morning when he was 9 minutes early. He and
his coworkers had been told to watch it during breaks outside the garage area.
The Motor Pool employees said Otto — described as a cheerful creature that loved to splash around with toys in his pool
— is "beloved" by both staff and guests.
“We want to thank Otto who sent well-wishes for the tourists reported LOL this morning after our initial statement
earlier today. If you have any photos or memories of them, please share them with us,” Cretaceousland! spokesman
Marx concluded in the press conference.
Visitors and fans offered their condolences.
“What an awful, needless event. So very sorry they majority of those tourists did not make it. Our hearts go out
to the Park and all who loved feeding DinoResidents,” one person - who obviously did not read the "Do Not Feed The
Animals!" sign wrote.
“The news of a few tourist's passing has deeply saddened our family. We love watching them run and scream with joy.
They will be greatly missed,” wrote Cretaceousland! CEO Dr. S Beckamnn.
On Friday, the park thanked the “outpouring of support” from Gorgosaur fans and visitors after Otto’s
grisly view of the massacre.
“The best thing you can do for the park and for Otto's memory is to calmly, kindly educate one another on the dangers
of feeding wildlife. That goes for any wild animals - not just the ones here,” the park wrote in crayon by the front
“Again, thank you for all the love. It's a difficult day, but every day around here is difficult. We certainly appreciate
the reminder of just how loved this park and our DinoResidents are,” the statement concluded.
Read the REAL story: Otter at Tennessee preserve dies after visitor throws food into enclosure: What an awful, needless event
A BOOK ALL DINOSAUR-LOVERS REALLY NEED
Real Book? Seriously? Available Now? Where? How Do We Get It? Huh? Huh?
Can We Possibly Ask More Questions Or Does This
About Cover It?
Yes Virginia, there really is a book about our parent company, aka The Center for Cretaceous Studies, aka this death
The world has waited 66 million years - give or take a month - for live Dinosaurs & comedy to come together. Until that happens,
here's our shot at it.
Grab your copy of "The Center for Cretaceous Studies" before they sell out! Ok, that might be stretching it a bit.
Anyway, pick one up at these fine bookstore websites:
AuthorHouse (eBook and paperback)
Barnes & Noble (paperback)