|'HAPPY TRAILS' PATH VERY POPULAR WITH VERY FEW
|Watch It. They Don't Always Stay In Their Lane.
Enjoy the great outdoors like never before - and most likely never again. Having set aside several miles of off-road bike
paths, Cretaceousland! offers even more fresh air riding options for you and your
family and friends!
We broke down the bike riding with Dinosaurs barrier with our original Dinosaur Bike Path "Happy Trails" in 2007. Even
today this remains the world's ONLY bike path running through a live Dinosaur Reserve.
However, we added a motorized path version in '09 for those who just can't seem to get out of this DinoExperience fast enough!
Although we still don't know exactly how long the trails are (since no one has made it back - including the construction
crews) we know you'll enjoy using them. Sure it's dangerous. Sure it's deadly. Yeah, there could be some bleeding.
But we figure anyone visiting a live Dinosaur Reserve on a bike has got a few screws loose to begin with.
Imagine biking among tons and tons of breathing, meat-eating, killing machines that can and will run you down without breaking
a sweat. Remember- these giants don't always kill to eat. Sometimes it's just because they can. So ring that little bell on
your handlebars or beep that cute horn on your Vespa, because that's sure to scare them away! Yes sir!
All you need to bring to this DinoExperience is your own form of transportation, be it self-propelled, or motorized two or
four-wheeler, and a helmet. Helmet? Hey, we don't want you to get a boo-boo. As with any other DinoExhibit inside the Reserve,
you'll need to bring along Mr. Happy Waivers! We'd also suggest having some sort of blood type or next of kin information
kept in an easy-to-find place for the Coroner. Thanks! Enjoy your ride!
Both of our bike paths venture through Cretaceousland!s varied terrain of forest, hills, grassy plains, and alongside gurgling brooks. Each of them a photographic
Heaven On Earth waiting to be caught on film. Darn! If only you weren't in such a hurry to get the hell out of there.
PEDALING ON HAPPY TRAILS
Nothing gets your blood pumping like a ride on the HAPPY TRAILS bike path! Specially
when you SEE your own blood pumping. This trail is marked in the same way as a downhill snow ski run at all of your finer
winter resorts. But our easiest path starts as a double black diamond and doesn't get any easier from there. In this way you
and your family can enjoy either a leisurely time pedaling together or go for that cardio workout. Actually... they both end
up pretty much the same, so it doesn't really matter. But it's the thought that counts, and we have given HAPPY
TRAILS very little thought before opening them to the public. Then we quickly forgot about them.
Along the trail there are several Rest Areas which, at one time,
had available water and vending machines. That is, right up to the point when nearby giant 5-ton carnivores started monitoring
these Rest Areas in the same way a modern day lion or tiger uses a watering hole to launch attacks on unsuspecting prey.
Your Rest Areas can be easily identified by the long-ago abandoned Frito-Lay, Evian, Pepsi, and Mineral Water delivery trucks
which appear as if they've been in a demolition derby. These truck remnants will be parked, or lying next to, or on top of
small, demolished (aka "Dino-worn") buildings. These desolate Rest Areas are still open if you REALLY need water, soda, juice,
or a candy bar. Restrooms which most likely are not functioning are probably available at all Rest Areas, and might include
piped-in Muzak if the electricity is still working.
Bandages and vending machines, which haven't been restocked since April 2003, may be available. There might be a disconnected
phone or inoperable ham radio in the main building. Maybe. If you find out, would you let us know?
|TRAIL RIDING IS FUN!! (WE SAID FUN, NOT SAFE)
|2-Cycle Engines? Might As Well Be Ringing The Dinner Bell
Trail bike (motorcycles, quads, wheelchairs) riders can decide for themselves which of the off-road choices best suits their
riding skills and luck. Although separate from the self-propelled bike paths, you'll still have several moments of fun before
reality shakes you from your delusion. And it's not a gentle shake. More like a baseball bat to the head.
There are numerous jumps, hillclimbs, and switchbacks, making it one of the best bike trails in a Dinosaur Reserve anywhere.
Making it even better would be for you to actually finish the ride! The odds aren't very good. In fact, you could be the
Interviews with riders, conducted while they were being loaded into waiting ambulances, helicopters, or hearse, seem to indicate
that helmets only block side and rear vision, and prevent hearing of anything sneaking, running, or sprinting up from behind
you. Also, the rough terrain and resulting harsh ride hides the fact that the ground is shaking as 4 tons of angry, meat-eating
Dinosaur closes in. Tests conducted at the CCS in 2004 determined that sound characteristics from a two-cycle engine are like
a dinner bell to Dinosaurs.
Have fun! And if you have any arms, please remember to pick up any trash you might find. A clean Habitat is about all the
control we have in there.
Want To Bike With Dinosaurs? What, Are You... Nuts?!? Contact Us At
@aol.com or CretaceouStudies @yahoo.com or CretaceouStudies@gmail.com
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