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CRETACEOUSLAND! MEMBERSHIPS

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Now You Can Prove You're An Idiot By Becoming A Bonafide, Certified, Full-Fledged, Half-Wit, Member Of Cretaceousland!

YOUR MEMBERSHIP ENTITLES YOU TO A PIECE OF PAPER
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Printed On Lovely Toilet Paper, Often In English

FINALLY! A way you can personally help the Center for Cretaceous Studies and Cretaceousland! - by forking over your hard-earned wages in a non-tax-deductible way for a semi-annual membership. All for a flimsy piece of paper. Seriously, are you still reading this?

In the long, disasterous, history of both the C4CS and Cretaceousland! this is the first time we have ever offered membership privileges to this fine, fine - yet monstrously unsafe - organization. Now you can be part of the only live Dinosaur research and theme park in the world, right from the safety and comfort of your own home!

And the best part is: you'll be able to live to tell everyone!

Membership packages are available in various steps, all with your wallet in mind. Prices start at only $500. What.. you thought the care and feeding of a 6-ton Dinosaur was cheap?!? Start out at our entry level membership: the Balsa Wood level package, and top out at our highest level: owning the place! See details below.

SOME MEMBERSHIPS OFFER 4% OFF CASKETS
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Gravel Level Memberships Allow Photo To Be Taken With Your Favorite Dinosaur!

Cretaceousland! Memberships are only available on an individual basis, but you can save as much as 1% if you buy more than one. All packages usually come with the official Certificate of Membership, postage due, and a No Money Back Guarantee. Each Membership package, listed in order below, contains it's very own special benefit plus the offerings listed in the package above it.

$500 BALSA WOOD MEMBERSHIP PACKAGE: This is our entry level package, which includes free tire rotation (Delaware residents only), .02% off admission fee, and many, many, other entitlements... none of which you'll want - or, in most cases, ever get.

$2000 CARDBOARD MEMBERSHIP PACKAGE: What we anticipate may become our least popular selection! All the amenities from the above Membership Package plus you'll get free lice inspection, one can of clam chowder, a potato, a 8x10 photo of Snooki (non-autographed), and 4% off the casket of your choice at one of our fine sponsors in the C4CS front lobby.

$9850.85 GRAVEL MEMBERSHIP PACKAGE: Dollar for dollar this could be your worst choice ever. Choosing this package gets you two free band-aids, coupons for a liver transplant, and an up-close photo taken with your favorite killer, er, photogenic Dinosaur, plus all the amenities from the Membership Packages mentioned above.

LIFETIME RUST MEMBERSHIP PACKAGE: Our Lifetime Level allows us to withdraw funds from your account "as needed", or whenever we need something we don't want to pay for. So, like the rust it is named for, we will continually eat away at your account, but you still get all the amenities from the Membership Packages mentioned above, plus we'll park one or more of our 'slightly' used C4CS vehicles in your driveway (or most likely your front lawn) when they start to break down or have been bitten or stepped on too many times. Don't worry, they make great conversation starters or lawn art objects.

$633 TRILLION PLUTONIUM MEMBERSHIP PACKAGE: The package gets you the keys to the whole dump, and Dr. Beckmann moves to his newly-purchased, private, remote Caribbean island once the check clears.

If you have any questions regarding membership, please call us today at 1-900-A-DINO-ATE-MY-BABY and ask for Evan Elpus. He'll be more than happy to hang up on you.

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